WHAT LOVE IS NOT
Introduction:
The Italians
have a beautiful expression for love: ti voglio bene. Though commonly
translated as "I love you," [the phrase] more literally means "I
wish you good" or "I want what is good for you." This simple
phrase reminds us that true love is not primarily about what good feelings may
be stirring within me. Even less is it about what I can get out of a
relationship for myself. The fullness of love is looking outward toward my
beloved and seeking what is best for that person, not just what is good for me.[1]
Biblical love is not self-centered
but other-centered. God demonstrated His sacrificial Love by sending His only
Son, Jesus Christ, into this world. Not only that, God lavishly poured out His
Love on all of us so that we should be called the sons and daughters of God.
As God's children, we are called to
live and operate in our heavenly Father's Love. The Apostle Paul labored to
drill this concept of love in all its variations into the minds of divergent,
conflicted congregants of the Corinthian Church. We learned that love is
patient and kind. As we work through this passage, keep our name in place of
love. God's love should impact us first before it impacts others through us.
Here are the four things that Love is Not.
I.
Love is not jealous (Love doesn't envy or want what it doesn't have)
If we are honest with ourselves,
none of us are immune to this sin virus called envy. All of us are impacted by
it one way or the other. Countless lives were lost, kingdoms ruined, marriages
ended in divorce, and churches split because people didn't know how to handle
envy.
Jealousy or envy or wanting what
others have been an age-old problem that began way back in the Garden. Cain
envied his brother Abel, which made him angry and led him to kill his brother.
Do you see what envy can do? True love doesn't envy or want what it doesn't
have.
A recent study found that heavy
Facebook users can experience envy, leading to extreme sadness. The researchers
surveyed 736 college students and found that if you quietly stalk your friends
on Facebook and then realize that your life doesn't measure up to theirs, you
feel bad about yourself. "If Facebook is used to see how well an
acquaintance is doing financially or how happy an old friend is in his
relationship that could cause envy, could even lead to depression."[2]
It is not only a college student
phenomenon; I struggled with it. Regularly checking on FB made me an envious
and miserable person. So, I decided to minimize my use of Facebook, and I feel
much better. Facebook may be a trap for the middle-aged, but how about the
teens?
Since at least March 2020, Facebook
officials have known that Instagram—the photo-sharing app owned by Facebook,
Inc.—has the power to make teenagers feel worse about their bodies, according
to an internal report obtained by The Wall Street Journal. "Thirty-two
percent of teen girls said that when they felt bad about their bodies,
Instagram made them feel worse."[3]
The scriptures warn us of the
adverse impact of Jealousy. (Prov 27:4) "Anger is cruel, and wrath is like
a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous." One of Job's friends noted,
"Jealousy kills the simple." Job 5:2. Jealousy steals your peace.
Prov 14:30, "A Peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like
cancer in the bones." Being Jealous is foolish (Ecc 4:4).
Paul was concerned about the
spiritual condition of the Corinthian Church. He addressed them as worldly and
sinful because there was Jealousy among them. I Cor 3:3, "for you are
still controlled by your sinful nature. You are jealous of one another and
quarrel with each other. Doesn't
that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren't you living like
people of the world? What do we do with our Jealousy? We must get rid of it. (I
Pet 2:1). How do we do that? By repenting of our Jealousy and asking God to
fill us with His Love, which is not jealous.
II.
Love is not boastful or Proud (Love doesn't strut or have a swelled head)
It seemed like in Corinthian Church;
there were a few boastful and proud people. Paul addressed that in his letter
earlier in Chapter four. They were being proud of their leaders at the expense
of another leader. They were boastful of what they had achieved and acquired as
though they did it by their sheer wisdom and strength. They forgot God, the
very source from whom all things came in the first place. Do we have anything
that has not been given to us by God?
Then why boast? Yet that is what we
love doing at times knowingly and unknowingly. Let's define these familiar
words and see what the Bible says about them. "Boasting is excessively
proud and self-satisfied talk about one's achievements, possessions, or
abilities." Pride, in the
Bible, is not always viewed negatively. The Apostle Paul used this good side of
pride to express his confidence in the Corinthians. II Cor 7:4, "I have
the highest confidence in you, and I take great pride in you. You have greatly
encouraged me and made me happy despite all our troubles." In other words,
Paul was saying; I am proud of you!
We often say to others, "we are
proud of them," that is okay. Our concern, however, is about the sin of
pride. God takes a serious view on this sin as it is, along with unbelief, the
root of all other sins. Pride stems from self-righteousness self-exaltation.
Pride was Satan's downfall. Isaiah
14:12-17 notes how Satan exalted himself above God and how God humbled him by
throwing him down from heaven. What caused Satan's downfall can cause our
downfall too. We are proud when we say I did it without the help of God or I
don't need God's help. We are proud when we take glory for our accomplishments
without giving credit back to God.
King David gave credit back to God
for his victories. Psalm 115:1-2, Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your
name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness." If
there is any good in us or we did anything good, it is only because of God's
love and faithfulness.
III.
Love is not rude. (Doesn't force itself on others)
When the Apostle Paul wrote to the
believers in Corinth about Love not being rude, he warned them about the
destructive power of rudeness and how being rude to others can damage them and
eventually destroy relationships. The dictionary defines rudeness as lacking in
manners, discourtesy, or inconsiderate behavior. Synonyms: Impoliteness, bad
manners, incivility, disrespect, ungraciousness, boorishness, rudeness, etc.
Love is not rude. The Greek phrase
could be translated as "does not act unbecomingly (NABS)" or "does
not act inappropriately." Christian Love does not seek to cause problems,
and it does not belittle others. Christian Love involves choosing appropriate
actions and responses that help other people. Rudeness is finding more
acceptance in our culture.
How can we notice rudeness? It can
burst out through a foul mouth or crude and inappropriate words and inappropriate
body gestures. It is seen when someone inappropriately touches the opposite
gender without their consent. Or when people are rough with others.
These are obvious and glaring ways,
but you can also be rude in subtle ways. You can be rude to people when you
ignore them, don't respond to their questions, and bury yourself in your
I-phone or books. What are the devastating effects of rudeness? It can disturb
the mind, destroy the heart, or dismantle the morality of others. In essence,
rudeness is an abuse of power.
IV.
What does the Bible say about rudeness?
Several scriptures in the Bible
allude to the fact that we may be rude to others through our words and actions.
Proverbs 18:20-21, " Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach;
good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. 21 Words kill, words
give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose. (The Message). Titus
3:2, "They must not slander
anyone and must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true
humility to everyone."
By saying "love
is not rude," in a way, Paul said, "Love is not disrespectful of
others. Whether we agree with people's political views, religious beliefs, or
stance on vaccinations, Christians are called to respect people. Paul called
out the Corinthian believers to live out the most excellent way to lead and
serve others, in Jesus' name, and it is all about love. True love is not rude, not
obnoxious, nor irreverent. It does not control by pushing its agenda on others.
It respects all people because all are made in the image of God.
In a dog-eat-dog world, Paul
encouraged Corinthian believers to live counter-cultural. If the whole world is
going in one direction, he challenged Christ's followers to move in the
opposite direction towards Christ. How does this work out in our daily life? If
people are jealous, we live contently. If they are boastful, we give glory back to God. If they are proud,
we remain humble. If they are rude, we respect everyone. That is the way of
Christ.
What stops us from indulging in
these sinful and harmful patterns of life? By following Paul's advice to the
believers in Rome. Romans 13:13-14, Because we belong to the day, we must live
decent lives for all to see. Don't participate in the darkness of wild parties
and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling
and Jealousy.
Instead, clothe yourself with the
presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don't let yourself think about ways to
indulge your evil desires." By our continual living in the presence of our
Lord, we may put an end to these sinful behaviors. I invite you to journey on
this most excellent path of love where is no place for Jealousy, Boasting,
Pride, and Rudeness. Amen!
