There is a little volume
called, “The All Better Book” in which elementary school children try to solve
some of the world’s knottiest problems.: what to do about the ozone layer, and
how to help people stop smoking. Here is
the toughest: “With billions of people
in the world, someone should be able to figure out a system where no one is
lonely. What do you suggest?
Kalani, Age 8, “People should find lonely people and ask
their name and address. Then ask people who aren’t lonely their name and
address. When you have an even amount of each, assign lonely and not lonely
people together in the newspaper. (Obviously this is a girl with the gift of
administration.) Make food that talks to you when you eat. For instance it
would say, “How are you doing?” and “What happened to you today? (Max, Age 9)
We could get people a pet or a husband or a wife and take them places.”(Matt
Age 8, this makes you wonder Matt’s understanding of Marriage.) But the most touching response, the one that
can break your heart comes last: “Sing a song. Stomp your feet. Read a book
(Sometimes I think no one loves me, so I do one of these) Brian Age 8.
There is no pain like the pain of loneliness. Less Stroble wrote about the time Chicago
Tribune columnist Marla Paul confessed in print a few years ago: I am lonely.
This loneliness saddens me,” she wrote. “How did it happen I could be forty-two
years old and not have enough friends?” This column elicited seven times her
usual amount of mail, and the letters all had the same theme: Why do I feel so
lonely? Why is it so hard to make good friends? If loneliness is common for
women, it is epidemic among men. One survey indicated that 90 percent of the
male population in America lack a true friend. But we prefer not to talk about
it.”
Loneliness, said Mother Teresa, is the leprosy of modern
society. And no one wants anybody to know they’re a leper. The same problem
again the children were asked to solve: “With billions of people in the world,
someone should figure out a system where no one is lonely.”[1]
Well, at the very beginning of the creation God had figured out that one day;
billion’s people on earth would be lonely; so he developed a workable system to
address loneliness and He called it “The Family.”
On Mother’s day; at
least once a year our thoughts turn to our families especially to our mothers.
We honor our mothers for their love and sacrifice in our early upbringing and
over all development. I thank God for my
mother and father who made our family a loving home where we learned several
skills and principles of right relationships.
After God, if there is
one thing I am passionate about, is my marriage and my family. I am a family
man. I love my family. My family means the world to me. But my passion doesn’t end there, I want to
see other marriages and families thrive too. Why is it such a big deal you may
ask? Sadly, the fabric and
the morals of the family in this country and the world over have been eroding
in the past few decades. This affects all of the society including the Church. In
the midst of these devastating trends let’s look at God’s heart for families in
general and more specifically His family which is called the Church.
I.
GOD’S HEART
FOR FAMILIES.
God has always lived
in a joyful, loving relationship of Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. After
creating everything, when it comes to creating man God said, “Let us make human
beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature. (Gen 1:26)
According to this
scripture we were designed in God’s image and to reflect His nature. God
thought of a best place where his nature would be reflected so he made the
family. God’s highest model of human relationship is marriage. These days
several people are trying to redefine or rather reinvent a new definition of
marriage. Can a few individuals or the Supreme Court really change what God has
ordained since the ages past?
As the Biblical story
unfolded; from one family all the families in the world came into existence.
The Family in the first place was God’s idea. The word family occurs 205 times
in the Bible in comparison to the word community which occurs only 85 times. The
term family is much more personal and intimate than community. Several
scriptures explain that God wants people to live in families not as lone
rangers. Psalm 22:27, “All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the
Lord, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him.” Psalm 96:7, “Ascribe to the Lord, all you
families of nations, ascribe to the Lord Glory and strength.” These two
scriptures indicate God’s intentions for all the families of the earth.
Does that mean that
there is no place for singles in the overall plan of God? No!
Singles too can find their satisfaction, fulfillment and purpose in God.
I do believe that some remain single and celibate due to a special call of God
on their lives, others become single due to divorce or death of their spouse,
many are single not out of choice while others do stay single out of choice. The
Bible gives us superb examples of such singles.
I think of the apostle
Paul and the widow Anna, in fact the apostle Paul throws out a challenge for
single-hood in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, he states that an unmarried man or woman
is concerned about the Lord’s affairs –how he can please the Lord- But a
married man or woman is concerned about the affairs of the world, how he or she
can please his wife or her husband.”
Whatever the cause for
singleness may be, God’s design and intention is that people don’t remain
lonely and isolated. It was never good
for a man to be alone then and it is never good for man to be alone now. God’s
general intention is that men and women will make a family and create a loving,
and nurturing environment for the overall well-being of each other and the
children they may receive. In return, they will go out and build their own
families where love, acceptance, forgiveness, peace and harmony are hallmarks.
If that is what God’s
design is for families on the earth, it is sad to know that many families are
not functioning at all as God intended them to function. Selfishness, pride,
anger, un-forgiveness and bitterness have disrupted families and caused us to
be alienated from God and each other.
The bitter conflicts and broken relationships we see, all too often
reveal how far we've strayed from his original design. God’s desire is that we cultivate healthy
relationships that would breed healthy families. So far we have seen God’s
heart for families in general and now we briefly look at his heart for the
family of God called the Church.
II.
GOD’S HEART
FOR HIS FAMILY: THE CHURCH
In Acts 2 we read how
the early Church was involved in the ministry of compassion and of service. It
was like one big family. They had everything in common, they voluntarily sold
their possessions and goods, and they gave to anyone. They genuinely cared for
one another’s needs. They worked together for the common good of the rest of
the family.
Ephesians 2:19, “So you are no longer outsiders or aliens, but
fellow-citizens with every other Christian—you belong now to the household of
God. Firmly beneath you in the foundation, God’s messengers and prophets, the actual
foundation-stone being Jesus Christ himself. In him each separate
piece of building, properly fitting into its neighbor, grows together into a
temple consecrated to God. You are all part of this building in which God
himself lives by his spirit. This
scripture reminds us that no matter how we came to know Christ as our savior,
and regardless of our racial, ethnic, gender, economic and educational
backgrounds now we all belong to one BIG family of God, the worldwide church
family.
Remember, what goes
with families in general goes with the family of God too. Just as families are
flawed; the church, the family of God is also made up of people who are not yet
made perfect. Yet we all are put together here by God so that we might help
each other to grow and become matured so that Christ can live in us and through
us by the power of the Holy Spirit.
The longer I am in
ministry the more I realize how much brokenness there is in this world. So many families are unhealthy and
dysfunctional. I believe it grieves God’s heart to see how the devil has been
destroying his perfect design for marriages and families. Some of you may have grown up in homes there
was abuse or conflicts were not well handled. As a child you may have been
traumatized and abused by parents, other adults, leaders, teachers including
spiritual ministers. Unless God heals you may carry those hurts and unhealed
wounds into your marriage, family, work place, and society.
Unfortunately some of
us carry out their hurts even into the family of God the Church. Then who do we
have end up in Church? We have people who are defiant, unaccountable,
un-submissive, arrogant, and independent. Some even act out their child hood
trauma in the church especially when things don’t go according to their expectation.
Church is also full of
people who do not know how to resolve conflicts in a mature, and healthy way.
Only a few of us come from families where conflicts are handled properly. Most
of us resort to the following ungodly ways to handle conflicts, such as: We say
one thing to people’s faces and then another behind their backs. We blame others and attack or give people the
silent treatment through our passive aggressiveness. When we are hurt we either
attack or withdraw. This is not how God intended His family to function. There
is a better way.
Paul encourages the
believers to “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone...” (Hebrews)
Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace
with everyone.” In closing, God’s way of dealing with loneliness is his design
of a healthy family. We all have the need to attach and connect, to love and be
loved. That is why we look for a family, a church or community. Dietrich Boenhoeffer wrote, “Whoever cannot
stand being in community should beware of being alone.”
The devil from the
beginning has attacked this plan of God for families. God’s desire is to
restore health to families, and to the churches. However, the only way we can
experience health is to the extent we are obedient, and intentionally make
right choices to walk in the path of peace. As we embark on this journey to
regain health to our marriages, families and our church community, may the
peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guard our hearts and our
minds in Christ Jesus.” Amen
