RESTORING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS
Relationships are a gift from God. They are also very
fragile, and they can be easily broken. We enjoy the blessings of a good and
harmonious relationship and feel the pain of a broken relationship. Nothing is
more devastating to individuals than having broken relationships.
. In the 17th century, the English Poet
John Donne noted, "No man is an island, entire of himself; every man is a
piece of the continent." I agree because God has created us for relationships,
and He delights in the right relationships. However, in this highly
individualized society, it is a challenge to cultivate healthy relationships
and navigate difficult ones.
We see unhealthy relationships in the first family in
the garden of Eden. The Bible contains examples of broken people living in a
broken world, dealing with broken relationships, and how God restores broken
relationships. We have dealt with heavy theological doctrines for several weeks
from Paul's second letter to the Corinthians.
Today we will look at some practical advice from Paul
on restoring broken relationships. Before that, we want to look at what causes
broken relationships. How do we recognize if our relationship is broken? How
can we restore our broken relationships? II Corinthians 7:1-16.
Among
all relationships, the marital relationship needs more work from both sides. If
your marriage is healthy, you enjoy its blessings. When it breaks apart, it
hurts everyone involved.
I.
A few warning signs indicate your marriage may be falling apart.
Here is a list of warning signs worth noticing: "You
feel lonely in your marriage. You do not feel safe talking about finances
together. You prefer the company of others more than being together with your
spouse. You get mildly irritated about a lot of little things your spouse does.
You do not celebrate special days (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) anymore. You
subconsciously keep track of past wrongs. You do not have much to talk about
with each other.
You have the same argument repeatedly with no
resolution. It feels physically wrong to be together (no sexual intimacy). You
keep secrets. Trust is low. You have stopped having date nights. You feel resentful
about what your spouse isn't doing. You blame your schedules for your inability
to work as a team. You pay more attention to your phone than to your spouse.
Etc.[1]
If your marriage is failing before it takes an
irreversible turn, cry out to God for help and seek marriage counseling. Healthy
marriages do not happen by default; they happen by design. More than any other
apostle, the apostle Paul cared for the right relationships. In II Corinthians
7th chapter, Paul gives us a couple of principles that could help
restore broken relationships.
II.
God's promises call us to live together in harmony with one another (Vs. 1-4)
After dealing with some profound
theological and doctrinal themes in the previous six chapters, in chapter
seven, Paul shares his anguish over broken relationships and the joys when
those relationships are restored. How do you know you are in a broken
relationship? When we obey God and do not live according to the patterns of
this world, God has promised to be in us, with us, and among us. In a personal
way, God will be our father, and we will be His sons and daughters. In other
words, we will become God's family.
Therefore, we cleanse ourselves from everything that
contaminates and defiles our bodies and spirit. We work towards complete
holiness because we fear God. Nothing disturbs the peace in and among us more
than broken relationships. Paul was deprived of peace and felt betrayed when
some Corinthian Church believers closed their hearts against him.
Paul was so committed to relationships that he told
them, "You are in our hearts, and we live or die together with you."
Yet some believers fought him relentlessly. Let us hear his anguish. Vs. 5-6,
"When we arrived in Macedonia, there was no rest for us.
We faced conflict from every direction, with battles
on the outside and fear on the inside. But God, who encourages those who are
discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus."
What
made Paul restless? Why did he come to Macedonia? We read in chapter two that
Paul wrote a letter to Corinthian believers addressing several problems that
disturbed the peace.
He intended to find out whether they would follow his
instructions or not. After that, he came to Troas to preach the Good News but
had no peace of mind because his dear brother Titus had not arrived with a
report from the Corinthians, so he went to Macedonia in search of Titus. Paul
was discouraged by conflicts and strife with people on all sides. Amid such
restlessness, God encouraged him by sending Titus with a good report.
Titus's presence brought him so much joy, as did the
encouraging news about the Corinthian believers and how they received and
treated Titus. The eagerness of the Corinthian believers to see Paul and their
repentance of their rebellion against Paul, and their loyalty to him only added
more joy to the otherwise discouraged Paul. What once was broken is now
restored.
III.
Restoring Broken Relationships. (Vs.7-16)
In verses seven through sixteen, we
glean several principles of how broken relationships could be restored,
resulting in harmony and joy. These principles could be applied to any broken
relationship, even more so to broken marital and family relationships.
A.
Confront the problem head-on without ignoring or avoiding it. (8-9)
After Paul's painful visit, some powerful insult had
been directed against him or one of his representatives by a visitor to Corinth
or a Corinthian, who perhaps headed the opposition against Paul at Corinth.
Despite his love for the Corinthian believers, some of them hardened their
hearts against Paul. He confronted that situation by writing them a severe
letter. Though it caused them pain initially, it led them to repentance and a
change of living.
Similarly, if you notice a problem in your marriage, confront
it directly, even if it hurts. Do not ignore or cover it. The longer you avoid
it, the more toxicity builds up and might destroy your relationship. If you cannot
speak boldly to your spouse, write a letter as Paul did, or get the help of a
third person or a therapist. Here is the second principle in restoring broken
relationships
B.
Godly sorrow leads to repentance and results in salvation. Worldly sorrow lacks
repentance resulting in death. (Vs10). Paul mentions two kinds of sorrows
and their outcomes. Godly sorrow leads to repentance (change of heart) which
leads to salvation or saving a relationship. Worldly sorrow void of repentance
results in death (a relationship may be beyond recovery).
How do these two types work? For
instance, if your spouse is at fault in your marriage, worldly sorrow might
result in simply saying, "I am sorry," without a change of heart. On
the other hand, a person who displays godly sorrow acknowledges a specific sin,
takes full responsibility for it, and does whatever it takes not to repeat the
same sin again and again.
When you move in godly sorrow, you
are earnest to clear yourself if you are in the wrong. You will have real distress
over the wrong you have done. You will do whatever you can to make things
right. We see these principles at work in the Corinthian Church.
Upon receiving a severe letter from
Paul, the believers disciplined the person in question. They may have put him
out of fellowship as a way of punishment. Upon repentance, they forgave him, so
he did not overcome by discouragement. In the end, they reaffirmed their love.
You may struggle in a broken relationship, but do not
give up hope. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he
rescues those whose spirits are crushed." There is nothing that our Lord
cannot do, including restoring a broken relationship. Sometimes, despite all
effort and prayer, some broken marriages may not be restored and end in
divorce. Know that God still loves you and will never leave or abandon you when
that happens.
