TEENS
& THEIR PRESSURES!
Introduction: Today’s teens and
adolescents live under tremendous pressures such as we never faced when we were
teenagers. These pressures broadly come
from four different areas, and they are from peers to conform, parents to
perform, social media, to belong, and Churches to transform. What I will be
sharing today would support teens and adolescents to navigate through their
high-pressured years and help parents who earnestly want their children to
succeed.
The
prompting (not the pressure) for this message comes from a conversation I had
with Wilma, where she read to me from one of my life directional verses that
are part of the prayer of King David in Psalm 37:25 “Once I was young, and now
I am Old.” King David may have been well advanced in age when he prayed this
prayer. It was a prayer of remembering God’s faithfulness and provision that
accompanied him since his teen years to his old age.
What
we can learn from it is, that people who are old today were once teenagers, and
the teenagers of today will not remain teenagers forever, one day they too
become old. Regardless of whether you are a teenager or an older person, we all
go through different kinds of pressures. How
do we cope with stresses and live the most purposeful and fulfilling life? It
would do a whole lot of good to us if we can heed the advice of an older mentor
to his young mentee who was living in difficult and turbulent times. In the
passage, we read the Apostle Paul was warning his young disciple how to avoid
the pressures that he might face in the end times. I title this message, “Teens
& Their Pressures.”
How
do we define the word “pressure”? According to one definition, “It is the use of
persuasion, influence, or intimidation to make someone to do something.” The pressure
is a good thing because it gets the job done. But what we are concerned about
here is the kind of undue pressure that comes from peers, parents, and social media
which is affecting our teens.
I PEER PRESSURE
(To Conform)
Growing
up, we all faced peer pressure to an extent — some more than the others. We
recognize that Peers play a significant role in the social and emotional
development of children and adolescents. They can be positive and supportive or
can be harmful and destructive. As a young person, it is easy to give in to
peer pressure because you want to fit in. You want to be liked and may worry
that you may be left out or made fun of if you don't go along.
It
is like the kid in a Christmas Movie who was pressured to stick out his tongue
on a frozen pole. On a cold winter day sticking your tongue against a frozen
pole probably is not a good idea. Peer pressure can be more sinister than that;
as it often leads to addictions and vices in teens. Some bad ones might encourage
you to skip classes, steal, cheat, use drugs, e-cigarettes, or alcohol, share
inappropriate material online, or become involved in other risky behaviors.
The
Apostle Paul might have had “peer pressure” in his mind when he warned Timothy
saying, “For people will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to
their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.” Here is what
King Solomon said to his son.
“My
child, if sinners entice you, turn your back on them! They may say, “Come and
join us. Let’s hide and kill someone! Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent!...
My child, don’t go along with them! Stay far away from their paths.” Proverbs
1:10-15.
If
only you listen to this advice and run away from those who entice you to sin,
you save yourself, your loved ones and others from a lot of heartaches. How can
you practically cope with this mounting peer pressure at school? Here are a few
tips that might help you steer clear from trouble makers and temptations that
come your way. Stay away from peers who pressure you to do things that seem
wrong or dangerous. Learn how to say "no," without being apologetic and
practice avoiding or getting out of situations which feel unsafe or
uncomfortable.
Spend
time with other youth who resist peer pressure. It helps to have at least one
friend who is also willing to say "no." If you have problems with
peer pressure, talk to your parents, teacher, or youth leader at the church.
II PARENTAL
PRESSURE (To Perform)
Parents have been entrusted with a
tremendous responsibility to direct their children onto the right path, and
when they are older, they will remain on the right track. (Prov 22:6). A
Yiddish proverb says, “God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.” One
union minister in India described “a mother’s lap as the best platform for
learning values of life and enjoying the warmth of her love and affection.”[2]
It
is so true, teaching our children the values of life begins way before on the
lap of a mother, not so much in a classroom. In Jewish households, it is the
responsibility of both the parents to instruct their children in the ways of
God. At an early age, we tried to the best of our ability to instill Godly
values in our three daughters. We led them to Christ, and each of them
expressed the desire to be baptized when they were thirteen.
After
doing twenty-three years of active parenting, now we step back and take the
roles of an intercessor, encourager, and supporter of our girls. Our continued
hope and prayer are that they will remain on the right track and live God-honoring
lives.
We
are living as the Apostle Paul mentioned in challenging times. What I mean with
that is that in our time, many people fall away from the faith, including
Christian parents. This is the era of Soccer, Helicopter, and Tiger Moms, where
certain mothers apply all kinds of pressure on their children to perform well
in the school and get nothing less than A+ grades.
On
the other hand, some mothers out of desperation, to get their children into prestigious
colleges won’t back off from cheating by bribing someone thousands of dollars
to alter their children’s SAT scores. These types of parents do more harm to
their children than good.
Parental
pressure on children gets intensified, among Asian households, I can tell this
by experience. Of course, we want to encourage and stimulate our children to do
well and reach their maximum potential. We
want nothing less than the best for our children.
However,
it is critically important that our children know that they are loved and
valued for who they are, not for how well they perform! Parents, instead of
applying pressure hug your children and tell them you love them, even if they miserably
fail in an exam. Believe in them, seek to understand where they are coming
from.
I
used to be too preachy with my daughters I had to learn to listen to them and
hear what they were saying. Unlike my father I learned to appreciate them for
who they are more than how well they have performed in school. Remember how God
affirmed his love for His Son soon after his baptism? “This is my dearly loved
Son, who brings me great joy.” That was way before Jesus even began his ministry.
There
is also advice for how you as children relate to your parents. “Obey your
parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor
your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you
honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a
long life on the earth.”
No
matter how unreasonable and unloving your parents might be, you are commanded
to obey and honor them. In the same note, there is advice for the fathers. “Fathers,
do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Instead, bring
them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” (Ephesians
6:1-4).
When
children learn to obey and honor their parents, and fathers do not provoke
their children to anger, children will better cope with the pressures that come
at them. To sum it up: open
communication between parents and children is critical. When there is love, acceptance, and
understanding, teens would feel safe to open up and process some of the
pressures they face. The next BIG pressure on the teens comes from Social Media
and T.V
III SOCIAL MEDIA (To
belong)
Social Media and TV play a
significant role in shaping the minds of our children. It should come as no
surprise that the pressure to be available 24/7 on social media is a very real challenge
for today's teenagers. “A report by Common Sense Media found that 75 percent of
American teenagers have social media profiles.
Teens
can’t stay away from their cell-phone not even for 30 minutes. Teen girls, in
particular, come under tremendous pressure to catch up with what their other
girlfriends are doing. What are the effects of social media on teenagers? Anxiety,
sleep-deprivation, envy, and depression. Some parents mistakenly think it is
showing love to provide their teens with cellphones, video games, and never
monitor their viewing habits. As Christians, we need a healthy dose of critical
thinking and discipline when it comes to our use of these media.
Teenage years is not all about pressures but
also about potential. There is so much potential, and God-given creativity is
locked up within you. There are endless opportunities to make a difference in
this world. How can you unleash all the potential that is in you? By staying
away from people, and the things that would mislead you. I want to close with another
fatherly advice from King Solomon. “Young people, it’s wonderful to be young!
Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But
remember that you must give an account to God for everything you do.” Ecc 11:9.
Amen!
[1] https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Peer-Pressure-104.aspx
[2] https://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/Visakhapatnam/mothers-lap-is-a-childs-primary-school/article4304224.ece
