MARRIAGE MATTERS: (Four Views of Marriage)

Henry Jenks, pastor of the rural Irish Grove Presbyterian Church, had just married a young farm couple. "God bless you both," Pastor Jenks told them, "You're at the end of your troubles. "A year later, the groom ran into the minister in the Wal-Mart store, stopped him, pulled him aside and said, "It's been a terrible year since my marriage, Pastor Jenks. And you promised me we'd be at the end of our troubles." "Yes, I did, son," the preacher said. "But I sure didn't tell you which end."

Didn’t we all have a rosy picture of marriage before we ever got married? It didn’t take that long for us to realize that the person we have married was not the same person when we were dating. Now you are stuck with this person for the rest of your life. Marriage is like traveling on a free way without turns and without exits. It is a life long journey. We have often heard said, it takes two people to work through the differences in a marriage? Right? No doubt it does take two to work through the difficult issues in marriage, but in some cases couples part ways because of so called “irreconcilable differences” for me that is a cop out.

Who can really make a marriage work? I believe in order to create a happy and lasting marriage it takes more than two, just like a braid appears to contain only two strands of hair. But it is impossible to create a braid with only two strands. If the two could be put together at all, they would quickly unravel. Herein lies the mystery: What looks like two strands requires a third. The third strand, though not immediately evident, keeps the strands tightly woven. In the same way in a Christian marriage, God's presence, like the third strand in a braid, holds husband and wife together. In Eccle 4:12 “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” A marriage bond that is intertwined with God can not be easily broken.

Barnett Brickner notes, “Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” If your marriage is falling apart and you want it to succeed check whether it is centered on God. When God is at the centre he can work in each of you to become the right mate in your marriage. I would like to share with you four views on marriage from both secular and scriptural point of view.

FOUR VIEWS ON MARRIAGE: The first view of marriage is: Contract Vs Covenant

I. Contract Vs Covenant: The dictionary definition of marriage is, “A compact, (contract or agreement) entered into by a man and a woman to live together as husband and wife.” This traditional view of marriage has come under severe threat by a section of people as they try to redefine marriage. In the secular world many enter into marriage as if they are entering into a contract. A couple would agree on certain terms and conditions and they pursue a marriage alliance. It often takes place in front of the Justice of peace. After following certain procedures and meeting certain requirements you can get your marriage license or certificate.

According to the scriptures marriage is more than a legal certificate it is a covenant. The Jewish view of marriage is a contractual agreement between two people with legal rights and obligations. A Ketubah is a marriage contract that explains the basic material, marital and moral responsibilities of the husband to his wife. It is signed by the groom, as well as two witnesses, and given to the bride during the wedding ceremony. It is forbidden for Jewish couple to live together without a Ketubah.

God views marriage as a covenant. Malachi 2:14-15 “You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” Therefore breaking a marital covenant is a serious matter before God. The second view is Convenience Vs Commitment.

II. Convenience Vs Commitment
The secular view of marriage is a matter of convenience. It is to meet certain physical, emotional, and social needs. Some celebrities marrying rich old people is a matter of convenience as it was assumed in the case of 26 year old Anna Nicole Smith marrying 89 year old billionaire Howard Marshall. When it is a matter of convenience then nothing really matters as long as this person gets what she or he wants.

Scripturally marriage is a commitment. It is not to say that secular couples are less committed than Christian couples. In fact many Christian couples are less committed than their secular counterparts. In commitment, there is an entrusting and trusting of each other. You give yourself whole heartedly to each other to love, to live, to embrace, to serve, satisfy and for the overall welfare of your spouse as long as both should live. Isn’t that what you have agreed on when you walked through the isle and made those wedding vows? Saying “I, take you to be my wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part: and thereto I pledge you my love and faithfulness.”

I wonder how many take those vows seriously these days. On the other hand many would rather live together for convenience sake than enter into a marital covenant relationship because it is costly and requires a lot of commitment and people are afraid to make such commitment.

Dr. Nancy Moore Clatworthy, sociologist, has been doing research on "living together" for 10 years. When she began her research, the idea of living together before committing yourself to marriage made good sense to her. Now, after scientifically analyzing the results of hundreds of surveys filled out by couples who had lived together, she opposes living together in any form.” Her analysis make a power full Christian point: Only a fully committed marriage relationship is really suited to working out the best possible relationship. Third view: Procreation Vs Companionship.

III. PROCREATION VS COMPANIONSHIP
In late seventeenth century Josiah Franklin had seventeen children from his two wives and one of them was Benjamin Franklin. Susan Wesley the mother of John Wesley was the 25th child and she had nineteen of her own Children. These two examples give us a glimpse of how the early puritans viewed marriage. Certain eastern cultures view marriage in the same way. It is a wonderful thing to have Children. In fact God is the giver of Children.

Several scriptures indicate that God is the giver of children: The first mother said, “with the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man (Genesis 4:1) Sarah realized that, it was the LORD who kept her from having children.(Gen 16:2). God closed every womb in Abimelech’s house hold (Gen 20:17). Jacob was angry with his wife’s complaint of not having children and said, "Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?"(Gen 30:2) Children are a gift from God; however marriage is not only for procreating but also for life long companionship.

To some God gives the gift of children and to others he withholds for reasons we may never understand yet these couples often go on to fulfill other great purposes. When we have children it is a blessing however there is a subtle danger in deriving our identity and satisfaction solely from them. When a couple’s whole and soul focus becomes the children their marriage can suffer and it can lose God’s intended purpose of companionship.

We hear it all the time, open any women’s magazine or watch a talk show; the last child leaves home for college, couples that have been married for 20 to 30 years look at each other and the wife says to the husband: And who are you? As long as the routine of ensuring the well being of the teens was in place all kept going. The moment the nests is empty, there seems to be nothing that keeps these two individuals together, they have become strangers to each other.

Either with or without children, scriptures encourage couples to enjoy one another. Eccl 9:9 “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun-- all your meaningless days.” Song of Songs is a beautiful book to read to discover how a husband and wife ought to enjoy each other. Song of Solomon 1:11-17 “We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver. While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. My lover is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi. How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant. The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs.

When you have a happy marriage, you will have a secured home. When a couple truly enjoys each other there will be no place for an extra marital affair. Therefore it is important that couples work at cultivating an intimate relationship with each other from day one.

How are you nurturing this most important relationship? A simple advice for parents with young children, Mom’s and Dad’s please work on your relationship today. Mom it is OK to say to the kids “Dad and I are needing 15 minutes to have a coffee and catch up” Yes you are there for the kids, you love them to pieces and do most anything for them but before they ever came into this world you both committed yourself to love and cherish each other. If you have lost the spark, do all you can to rediscover each other! You can’t do your children a greater favor than to show through your day to day life that you are committed to enjoy and love each other.

IV. LIBERAL VS ORTHODOX: (Progressive Vs Authoritative)
The sexual revolution and the invention of the oral contraceptive in the 60’s have damaged the institution of marriage. To an extent that men and women can get involved in sexual relationships without thinking of the consequences. These days many take a liberal or progressive view on marriage. They argue, “You can marry any one you like, you can have multiple wives, same sex marriage is normal, you can live together without marriage. As a result divorces and cohabitating couples have increased. According to one survey, “Over the last several decades, marriage in our nation has declined, while cohabitation, divorce and unmarried childbearing have increased. From 1960 to 1998, the number of unmarried, cohabiting couples increased nearly tenfold, from 439,000 to 4.2 million”

The scriptures take an orthodox or authoritative view on marriage. God’s intention of marriage has always been and will always be “between one man and one woman.” God never changes so is his word. Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

Jesus and the apostle Paul have reiterated the same words, Matthew 19:5-8 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Eph 5:31) Jesus had some stern words to the Pharisees who argued with him about divorce, Mat 19: 7-8 “Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” So divorce is not an option. For God holds marriage in high esteem. Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.”

For Christians the scriptures make it even harder, 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? In other words Christians are advised against marrying non believers because it is between a believing man and a woman and it is a life long commitment to each other.

In conclusion, Marriage is God’s ordained institution. Those who have been married, or want to be married, never been married or no longer married, doesn’t matter who you are and where you are in life’s journey please take note of these four views: Marriage is not a contract but a covenant. Marriage is not for convenience but requires commitment. Marriage is not only for procreation but for life long companionship. Marriage can not be taken lightly but should be viewed in high honor. With the help of God we can make our marriages better.