THE RECIPE OF A HAPPY HOME:(Reflections on Prov 31:10-31)

The top ten reasons why God created women.
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn’t ask for directions.
9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don’t want to see what’s ON television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)
8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor’s appointment.
7. God knew that when Adam’s fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.
5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.
4. As “keeper of the garden,” Adam would need help in finding his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.
2. As the Bible says: “It is not good for man to be alone.” And the Number One reason of all….
1. God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: “I can do better than that!!”
These are humorous reasons why God created women. There has been a lot of misunderstanding in the world regarding the role of women. Some view women as objects of man’s lust and sex symbols which earns multi billion dollars in the adult entertainment and sex industry. Others restrict women only to homes where all they can do is give birth to children and meet the needs of husbands. Some others view women as second class citizens who have lesser worth and value then men. But according to the Bible what was God’s reason for creating women? What is the value of a woman? What is their role at home, in the world and in the Church?
Let me introduce you to an unnamed woman in Proverbs 31:10-31 who created a happy and stable home, whose husband was successful and children were blessed. She defies every stereotype of how a woman should be, and what she can or can not do. A happy home? Um… Does such a thing exist? Maybe because of past painful experiences you are skeptic about such a thing as a happy home. Among many other roles of women, I would like to high light the role of a wise woman at home.

You may say why home? In a society where marriages and homes are falling apart like a pack of cards don’t you think it is about time we rediscover the ageless biblical principles of home making found in Proverbs 31 Chapter. This passage gives us a recipe on how to build a lasting and happy home.

THE ROLE OF A WOMAN AT HOME
Throughout the book of Proverbs we find nuggets of teaching on what makes a woman succeed as well as what makes a woman fail. It compares the nagging wife to a persistent leak (Prov 19:13), a contentious woman to a bad companion, (Pro 21:9) and also about the role of a mother as a teacher of the children in the home. A great deal is mentioned about wicked women who allure men and young men to commit sexual sin, (Ch 1-9, 22:14; 23: 27). The book ends with the description of an excellent wife in Chapter 31:10-31. I see two primary roles a woman as a helpmate to her husband and a home maker.
1. A HELP MATE
Vs. 10-12 “An excellent wife who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.”

The Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds happiness; it is a favor he receives from the Lord.”( Pro 18:22). It is not that hard to find a wife these days, but finding an excellent wife is a tough call. Where can we find an excellent wife? It is a gift from God. Prov 19:14, “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Thank God I found one.

After creating man God said, it is not good for the man to be alone I will make a helper suitable for him. So out of Adams ribs God fashioned a woman to be a helpmate. That was one of the roles an excellent wife which is to be “a helpmate to her husband and not to be a hell mate.” The Prov 31 wife is called an excellent wife who is far more valuable than jewels. She does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. She is a trustworthy woman. She puts the interests of her household and her husbands above her own interests. Not only is she trustworthy but also hard working and shrewd manager of resources and assets. Therefore her husband trusted her with his business or farm. As a result of her hard work ethics and clever management her husband was successful and even became a prominent leader in the community (Vs 23) Her husband praises her in front of others saying, “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all”

Ironically these days the roles of husbands and wives are being reversed. Instead of wives serving their husbands they expect their husbands to serve them. Husbands and wives fight over money and sharing of responsibilities at home. Nancy Leigh Demoss notes, “In today’s evangelical world, it is “politically correct” to challenge men to go home and serve their wives. However, it is not “P.C” to talk to women about their responsibility to serve their husbands.

The truth is that God did not make the man to be a “helper” to the woman. He made the woman to be a “helper” to the man.” Of course, this does not mean that men are not to serve their wives and children. But if we as women focus on what we “deserve” on our “rights” or on what men “ought” to do for us, we will become vulnerable to hurt and resentment when our expectations are not fulfilled.”

Let me explain how this is playing out in our family. My wife and I love each other very much. In our fifteen years of marriage we realized that if we want to have a happy marriage we need to give up certain rights so that there is harmony at home. We both are committed to each other’s well being. How do I know my wife is committed to me to do good and not harm? She tells me often that she is killing me if she cooks food with too much sodium or fat. Though I resist it at times, over the years I have learned to appreciate her wisdom and trust her with my life. If am still alive today and healthy it is partly because of my wife. The Prov 31 wife is not only a committed and trustworthy wife but also a home maker.

II. A HOME MAKER: (Vs 14-15, 21 28)
Prov14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” I like the application of this scripture as a wise woman building her home or family. She has been given the “raw material” of marriage and children and a place to live. How is she going to build these precious gifts into a cohesive home? How is she going to build her home in such a way that it will be like a magnet for her husband and her children? A home is a place where the husband wants to return after a stressful day at work, and children want to return after challenging peer situations at school. Home is where they are refreshed, restored and recharged to take on life’s challenges again.

Home in the Bible times was supposed to be the center of spiritual formation. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Thank God we have Sunday school where the children are taught God’s word, but home is really where it all should start. It takes a wise woman to create such a nurturing home. My wife and I have sought to be consistent in teaching God’s truth to our children especially during their formative years. Wilma always read a story from the Bible to our girls before she prayed and tucked them in the bed. Building a godly and happy home takes time and a wise woman sees to that she is indeed building her home.

Proverbs 31 woman was a wise woman. How did she build her home? Let’s pick up the qualities that aided her in building a home where her husband and children were blessed.
Diligence, hard work, care for her household (Vs 15, 22, 27)
Integrity and clever management of resources (16-19, 24)
Delegation and careful planning for future (15, 21, 24)
Wisdom in speech and faithful in instruction (26)
Personal grooming (22)
Compassion and generosity towards poor (20)

Above all else she was a woman who feared the Lord. (30). You may be saying good for her! But you don’t understand the present culture. Of course I understand the difference between “the agrarian (farming) culture” of those days and the modern day culture. In those days, the husbands used to work in the fields and the wives used to run the household. But now both parents have to work two jobs in order to maintain the household.

Is it absolutely necessary to work two jobs? While getting extra income is nice so that you can buy the extra car, pay towards the mortgage or go on vacation, but is it really worth when it is disrupting the family?

Nancy Liegh Demos quotes in her book, “women have been liberated right out of the genuine freedom they enjoyed for centuries to oversee the home, rear the children and pursue personal creativity; they have been brainwashed to believe that the absence of a titled, payroll occupation enslaves a woman to failure, boredom and imprisonment within the confines of home” This absolutely a lie from the enemy. Your true worth as woman doesn’t come by holding a job or becoming successful in life, but it comes by living a life that is honoring to God.
On the contrary a foolish woman with her own hands tears her home down. In other words a foolish woman becomes “a one woman demolishing squad.” It is not the physical breaking down of a house but the woman who through the destructive power of her mouth causes the break down of her family. How did a foolish woman tear down her home?

III. TRAITS OF A DESTRUCTIVE WOMAN
Proverbs 19:13 “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”
Proverbs 21:9 “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”
Proverbs 21:19 “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.”
Proverbs 27:15-16 “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.”
Women are great influencers, either for good or for bad. With their influence either they can build a home which is filled with cheer, hope, forgiveness and a general pleasant atmosphere or they can destroy their homes through their whining, complaining, grumbling, quarrelling and nagging. Either to build are to destroy a home is in the hands of a woman.

IV. RELATIONSHIPS MATTER
Edith Scheaffer, in her book; “What is a family” calls the family a laboratory for human relationships. The home is meant to teach us mainly through modeling what love and forgiveness is. The family is God’s perfect design for the formation of the crown of his creation. Through the nurture of loving and committed parents children are to grow in godly character and able to respond to their creator. To create such a home where peace, love and happiness dwell is a huge challenge because we live in a fallen world, families are not excluded from the results of the fall.

There is no perfect family. In all our imperfection as parents we are called to model God’s love to our children and to live a life in which Christ is the center. Our family like any other family is far from perfection. We loose our patience, we get annoyed, things go wrong at times, and there are disappointments, quarrels and disagreements. But one thing we have learned to say “I am sorry that I blew up over that please forgive me” The other day I raised my voice against my eldest daughter over a small thing and I had to say sorry and ask her forgiveness for blowing my top. It is important that we are transparent before our children by taking responsibility for our failures.

In closing my prayer is that the deceptive voices of feminism will not cloud out the common sense approach to healthy family life that we find in the Bible. To the degree that any of us for that matter whether married, unmarried or no longer married, obey God’s design for life we find peace and fulfillment. On this mother’s day as we honor our mothers let’s thank God for all the women in our Church.