LOVING RELATIONSHIPS AT HOME
“Children
& Parents” Ephesians 6:1-4
Introduction: In our 24 years of
married life, some of the most satisfying and fulfilling years have been, when
we were raising our three young daughters in India. We took our parenting
seriously, we read up books on effective parenting, and tried to apply
parenting principles from God’s word. We sought to raise our children with a different
set of values than we had been raised with by our parents. It is not that we
have always done it right, but to the best of our ability we tried to model
Christ. Now, we are in the season of launching young adult daughters.
I remember one early child raising incident
when Joanna dropped our tape recorder and broke it. Both Joanna and Jemimah
sensed that I might get mad, so they got together and prayed. When I came home,
they told me what had happened. I had a choice to make, either to react Christ
like or do what my father did to me when I lost a toy, which was to give a good
beating. Thank God! I chose the former and gave them a big hug for telling the
truth and being honest.
I am sure most of you agree, that
parenting is the most important responsibility a couple could have, especially
when you are raising young children. But we are often at a loss when it comes
to knowing how to be better parents to our children. God has given us His word,
the Bible where we can find some principles on how to raise God fearing
children.
For the past several weeks we have
been working through the letter of the Apostle Paul to a young church in
Ephesus, where he addressed how to live Christ honoring lives in a world that
has either less or no regard for God or His principles. Last week we have
looked at the case for marriage. Today we will look at another equally
important relationship, which is the relationship between children and parents.
“Loving Relationships at Home: Children
& Parents” To understand this dynamic relationship between Children and
Parents, let’s look at a typical Roman household. Roman writers commonly
discussed family life in terms of three sets of relationships: Husbands and wives, parents and children, and
masters and slaves. Fathers were expected to provide for their families,
although mothers often imparted the most direct moral influence on young
children. As a son grew up, however, the father would assume primary
responsibility for his education and discipline. The Roman mother held a place
of high honor in society and was expected to behave with honor and chastity.
Mothers held the household keys and managed domestic servants. The welfare and
the education of children was shared by both the parents. What does a typical American household
look like these days? In a culture where many marriages, families and homes are
hurting, how are we as Christian households to raise our children? What keeps a
home and family together? What are the roles of children and the parents in a
Christian home? The Apostle Paul gives a few principles for both the children
and parents to follow. First let’s look at how must children behave toward
their parents.
I. CHILDREN OBEY YOUR PARENTS (1-3)
Vs
1-3, Children, obey your parents in the Lord. This is right and proper. Honor
your father and your mother, this is the first
commandment that comes with a promise attached. So that things may go well with
you and that you may live a long life on earth.” The Greek word for
obedience here means: “To hear, to listen, give head, yield and mostly it means
obey.
Colossians 3:20, reads, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this
is well-pleasing (acceptable) to the Lord.” God is pleased when we are obedient
to Him and to our parents. Do you sometimes find it hard to be obedient? It is
not surprising if you do. Every one at times finds it hard to obey. How does
obeying our parents look like in our times?
Children pay close attention to
this. For example, when your Mom and Dad asks you to clean up your room and
empty the dish washer that’s what exactly you do and do it cheerfully, and as
quickly as possible. Some one said, “delayed obedience is equivalent to
disobedience.”
The scripture says obey your parents
in all things. At the same time, it also says, “In the Lord.” What does that
mean? It means at times you may have to disobey your parents because what they
may say to you may not be God’s will for you. For example, if your parents were
to tell you to go steal something, cheat, or to lie. All these things go
against God’s will for us.
Along with obedience children are
also commanded to honor their mother and father. To emphasis this point, the
apostle Paul referred to the fifth commandment that says “Honor your father and
your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your
God gives you.” (Ex. 20:12). This is the first commandment with a promise.
A long life is promised to those who
honor their parents. In eastern cultures, children never address their parents
by their first names. We see even grown up adults honoring and respecting their
fathers and mothers. When they leave on a journey or come home after many days they
bow down and touch the feet of their parents seeking their blessing.
To my astonishment after moving to
the USA I was shocked to hear young children calling adults by their first
names. Some children and young people do not respect and honor their parents.
They are often rude and disobedient to their parents, to their own determent. How do we honor our parents? What does it
look like? It means being responsive and
respectful.
Pay attention to when your parents
are talking to you. Put your cellphone away give eye contact. Don’t talk back
disrespectfully. Follow through when asked to do something. Trust that your
parents want the best for you. Love does not mean you always get what you want.
Your parents love you that is why they want to train you and prepare you to be
all that you can be, that includes character training. A very vital part of a great life is to have
a good relationship with your parents. Now let’s turn to Dads.
II. THE DO’S AND DONT’S FOR DADS
Ephesians
6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord.” In Col 3:22 we read what happens to
the children when they were provoked to anger, “they may lose heart.” Or become
discouraged. Earlier we learned that both the mother and the father play
important roles in raising children, however here fathers seem to have been given
extra responsibilities to discipline, and to instruct the children. Unfortunately, many dads are abdicating
this responsibility as a result child are growing up to be unruly and
disobedient. There are other fathers who provoke or exasperate their children
to anger, subjecting many children to discouragement. Fathers remember we are
commanded not to provoke our children to anger.
Provoking to
anger” suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds
up a deep–seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward hostility. Here is a test to fathers and mothers, how do you know you might
be exasperating your children? These are some of the ways you might be exasperating
your children:
1
Over protection: It may be well meaning, but if you are
constantly hovering over your child, it can be suffocating and your child may
resent it in the long run. (examples, soccer moms or baseball dads). Some
mothers smother their children, never leaving them to explore new things. No
doubt you can love them, but also give them some room.
2.
Showing favoritism. One child is favored over other children. I
can tell by experience, in Indian homes, boys are often favored over girls. In
my home it was the same case us two brothers were given better treatment then
our three younger sisters.
3.
Pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds. A third way parents provoke
their children is by pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds.
A child can be so pressured to
achieve that he is virtually destroyed. He quickly learns that nothing he does
is sufficient to please his parents. No sooner does he accomplish one goal than
he is challenged to accomplish something better. That child will become competitive, will do
anything just to get parental love. Your child desperately needs to know that
he or she is loved for who he or she is apart from grades or accomplishments.
My sincere advice to parents who are
still raising young children. Please take a look at your parenting style, you
may be exasperating your child by your over protection, showing favoritism and
pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds. This is how some secular homes
may function, but Christian homes are to be different. My humble advice to
fathers and mothers, is that you make sure to spend time with your children,
hear what they have to say to you.
Really seek to understand and affirm
the uniqueness of each child. Fathers be able to say sorry when you are wrong. All children crave for positive affirmation,
and unconditional love from their parents. Above all keep the communication
doors open. In the OT the Jewish parents were encouraged to instruct their
children in the ways of God, this is what they were to do: “Teach them to your
children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the
road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of
your houses and on your gates,” Deuteronomy 11:19.
This shows how our faith is to be
integrated into all aspects of our life. I am impressed when I see how Jewish parents
walk with their children talking along the way when they go to the Synagogue.
Let’s take advantage of our dinner times around the table. Let everyone put away
their cellphones. Play board games or do a puzzle together. Use your long car
drives to and from school to engage your children in meaningful conversations.
At times I still find this the hardest thing to do, but when I finally get to
do, I have great conversations with our daughters.
These are just only a few
suggestions, there are more, but you get the point. When parents show
unconditional love, acceptance and appreciation combined with healthy
discipline in that atmosphere children will thrive. May the Lord help us to make our homes safe
heavens for our children to grow and become all that God would want the to be.
Amen!
