THE CASE FOR MARRIAGE
Ephesians
5:22-33
Introduction: IS MARRIAGE
NECESSARY? 44% of Americans ages 20 to 69 believe marriage is not necessary in
order to have a committed, fulfilling, life-long relationship, reports a poll.
Marriage Savers' president Mike McManus finds the number shocking. He says,
"People who are married live longer, they're healthier, they're happier;
they're wealthier. A man who's single, for whatever reason, will live 10 years
less than a married man; a woman, about 4 years less." Many fear if they marry,
they'll end up divorced, and their antidote is to cohabit. But Rutgers
University's National Marriage Project research finds couples who live together
before marriage are 46% more likely to divorce and significantly more likely to
experience domestic violence within their relationships.
Wilma
and I believe in marriage and are firm promoters of healthy marriages. We have
been married for nearly 24 years. In the course of time we have learned and are
continuing to learn certain divine principles founded in God’s word to help
keep our marriage vibrant and healthy. In the past several weeks we have been
studying the book of Ephesians.
We
have been looking at how to apply the divine doctrinal principles that were found
in the first three chapters of Ephesians in our day to day relationships. Today
we will learn how those principles can help keep the vital human relationship
called marriage vibrant, healthy and lasting a life time. I want to make, “The
Case for Marriage.”
Someone
said, “In a successful marriage, there is no such thing as one’s way. There is
only the way of both, only the bumpy, dusty, difficult, but always mutual
path." In the passage we read the Apostle Paul, lays out a mutual path for
couples who are aspiring to have a successful marriage, by explaining the
responsibilities of both men and women in marriage.
I.
MARRIAGE IS A DIVINE
They say marriages are made in
heaven and consummated on earth. Marriage is a divine ordinance. In fact, God
was the one who solemnized the first wedding in the Garden of Eden when he
brought Adam and Eve together in marriage and said, “For this reason a man will
leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one
flesh.” In marriage, two imperfect people come together and become one flesh.
This
“one flesh” concept as Paul calls it a great mystery can only be experienced
between a husband and a wife in the loving logical limits of marriage. Building
on this premises Paul lays out a few key principles of submission, respect and
love. Paul holds both the wives and husbands responsible in marriage. I believe
these principles can be applied for all marriages.
II.
THE WIFE’S RESPONSIBILITY
Vs,
22-24, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,
his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so
also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Verse 22 may be one
of the most feared by western Christian married men in the Bible, it may be
also one of the most abused, and wrongly interpreted verses in the context of
marriage. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands.” Paul maintains the
conventional expectation that wives should submit, but grounds it in more
specifically Christian submission.
Ephesians
5: 1-2 reads, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and
walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as
a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” We are encouraged to imitate
Christ’s example of love. How did Christ love us? Sacrificially! If we are to
love as Christ loved, then we too must love sacrificially.
Loving
as Christ loves means self-sacrifice and becoming the servant and even the
slave of all. This is what it meant in
Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” We submit
to each other not because of any hierarchical relationship among us, but out of
respect and reverence for Christ who became the servant of ll. Are we greater
than Jesus? If he has become servant to all, then so can we. Let’s keep this in
mind as we work through Vs22.
“Wives,
submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” The Greek word here does really mean “submit”
But it is an aspect of the mutual submission taught in v. 21 As all Christians
are expected to live lives of general submission, wives have the additional,
more specific expectation to submit to their husbands. It does in no way put a
woman’s husband in the place of the Lord but shows rather that a woman ought to
submit to her husband as an act of service to the Lord. It should go without
saying that this is a general principle not applicable to situations of abuse
or participation in sin. It doesn’t mean that wives become a doormat.
This
particular example of submission is based on the theological principle that,
“the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church.” This
concept of husband being the head of the wife has been one of the most
misunderstood and abused concepts. This misunderstanding has brought many
conflicts in the institution of marriage subsequently destroying marriages and
splitting families. Paul tells us how we
should understand the word, “head” as a metaphor of a body that has a head. The
husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church as every living
body has a head attached.
The
church is a body with Christ as the head. Similarly, in marriage, two people
constitute a single unit, and yet in that one body there are two personalities.
These two if they are going to be united, must have a headship, and that head
is the man according to God’s creation and ordinance. This is not to say man is
superior and woman is inferior to man.
Unfortunately,
in the body of Christ, some Christian men take this “headship” to a whole
different level, focusing only on giving orders, and commands expecting their
wives to submit to their demands. They fail to recognize the other functions of
being the head, and they are to love, protect, provide and treat their wives
with dignity as co-equals in marriage.
III.
THE HUSBAND’S RESPONSIBILITY (Vs 25-33)
In
the passage we read while only two verses deal with the wives’ submission, and
nine verses deal with husbands’ responsibility, yet far too much energy has
been spent on the wives submitting to their husbands and too far little on the
demands placed on the husband. Let’s look at various responsibilities of a
husband in a marriage relationship. Husbands get ready!
Vs
25, “Husbands love your wives.” Husband’s loving their wives is not a good
suggestion but is a command. Though the husband’s authority has been
established (vv. 22–24), the emphasis moves to the supreme responsibility of
husbands in regard to their wives, which is to love them with the same
unreserved, selfless, and sacrificial love that Christ has for His church.
Christ gave everything He had, including His own life, for the sake of His
church, and that is the standard of sacrifice for a husband’s love of his wife.
The
Apostle Paul gives another clear-cut command to husbands in Col. 3:19,
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. When husbands can
learn to love their wives and treat them tenderly there will be peace, joy and
harmony in marriages. When husbands stop loving and treat their wives harshly
that marriage can be miserable and may not last longer.
In
our early marriage, especially when Wilma was nursing and taking care of our
three daughters in India, God spoke to me during one of my bible readings
through Isaiah 40:11, “He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry
the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the
mother sheep with their young.”
Though
in general I treat Wilma with gentleness and dignity after reading that
scripture I became a bit more tender towards her. After having been married for
quite some time I learned this principle of love, and it works. My humble
advice for all the husbands at Hope Church is please pay attention to what the
scriptures say about how to love and treat our wives. When we invest in our
marriage through love, we will enjoy rich benefits in return for a long time. What
hinders couples from enjoying this marital bliss? What makes marriages end up
in divorce?
It
is the ignorance of and failure to meet two basic needs of husbands and wives
in all marriage relationships, and they are: “Love and Respect.” Dr. Eggerichs
deals extensively on this matter in his book, “Love & Respect.” He notes,
“The Love and Respect approach to marriage is based on the awareness that any
couple is always potentially on one of three cycles:
The
Crazy Cycle, the Energizing Cycle or the Rewarded Cycle. None of these cycles
is a permanent, static situation. A lot of couples, however, seem to spend most
of their time on the Crazy Cycle, which
is summed up like this: Without love, she
reacts without respect. Without respect, He reacts without Love.” Clearly, the
Crazy Cycle triggers and fuels itself.
When
a wife feels unloved, she tends to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her
husband. When a husband feels disrespected, he tends to react in ways that feel
unloving to his wife. And around and round they go on the Crazy Cycle. If you
are on a Crazy Cycle, how can you get out of it? The solution is found in Vs
33, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the
wife must respect her husband.” (NLT)
The
only way a couple can break this Crazy Cycle is by obeying this command that is
given to both the husbands and the wives. The husband must love their wives and
the wives must respect their husbands. What is more, the love and respect are
to be unconditional.
When
a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he
can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of
control. When a wife chooses to come
across respectfully even though she feels unloved, she can stop or slow the
Crazy Cycle as well. On the other hand,
life gets insane when a husband says to himself, “I am not going to love that
woman until she starts showing me some respect! I will not talk to her.” Likewise, madness reigns when a wife says
to herself, I am not going to respect that man until he earns my respect and
starts loving me and treating me with dignity the way he should. I will teach
him. The secret to building a happy and healthy marriage is to recognize when
you are on the Crazy Cycle and come out of it by intentionally and
unconditionally loving and respecting one another.”[1] Love and respect are like
the two rails on a railway track. When they are properly in place your marriage
train can have a smooth ride, but when they are out of place you can wreck your
marriage beyond repair, when that happens there will be so many casualties.
As
we leave, if you have been married for quite some time, and are still committed
in that relationship please examine yourself. If you are a wife how is your
submission to your husband? Do you submit t him out of reverence for Christ? Do
you respect him? If you are a husband are you loving your wife as Christ loved
you sacrificially and unconditionally?
For
all those who are newly married and or aspiring to be married, I have a word of
encouragement for you. If you are ever loving and forgiving you will have fewer
conflicts to deal with. What keeps a marriage alive and healthy for a long time
is, keeping Jesus in the center of your marriage. May the Holy Spirit help us to love and
respect our spouses unconditionally so that we can build and enjoy a happy and
healthy marriage which will last for a life time. Amen!
