THE MINISTRY OF MARRIAGE
A man died and went up to heaven.
Upon arriving, he noticed two signs. One said, "Men Who Are Bossed By
Their wives," the other said, "Men Not Bossed By Their Wives."
After closer inspection, he noticed that while next to the first sign was a big
line, there was just one man by the second sign. After getting even closer, he
realized it was his friend Jack.
"Hey Jack," the man
questioned, "what in the world are you doing here? Your wife bosses you
around more than anybody." "I don't know," Jack replied, "my
wife told me to stand here." It is good to laugh occasionally, especially when
things get a bit dicey in marriage.
Last week we dealt with a complex
subject in regards to Christians & Lawsuits. In Chapter seven, the apostle
Paul seems to be having a Question-and-Answer time with his congregation. He
addressed some questions raised by the Corinthian believers regarding Sex, Marriage,
divorce, Singlehood, dealing with an unbelieving spouse, and other matters.
I encourage you to read this whole
chapter at home and see what you can learn from it, as it is laden with rich
relationship principles. For our time together, I will deal with one
significant theme. I call this is an often-overlooked area of ministry God has
given to us. The Ministry of Marriage. I Corinthians 7:1-7, 29-35. Let me say
something about the title.
I.
THE MINISTRY OF MARRIAGE.
I chose the title “The Ministry of
Marriage " for this passage because I view marriage as a God-given
Ministry to all married people, mainly Christian couples. In other words, it is
a sacred obligation of service to one another. Our English word “deacon” is
related to the Greek word Diakonia, sometimes translated as “ministry.”
Ministry means service and labor.
In any ministry, several components,
including servanthood, loyalty, compassionate love, sacrifice, hard work,
giving up rights, etc., are found. Similarly, these components are to be the
basis of any marriage. Wilma and I got married in our late twenties.
Coming from two different cultures,
we had to work hard to cultivate certain habits to build and sustain our marriage.
We have read several books on marriage and attended workshops, above all
applied principles from God’s word to maintain a healthy, vibrant, and
fulfilling Marriage. We are not marriage experts but passionate practitioners.
At this age, it takes more hard work
and intentionality. We realized we could use some help to make some
adjustments. Wilma picked up a book titled “Marriage in the Middle by Dorothy
Littell Greco, which has some excellent ideas for couples in midlife. I will
share some principles from this book and Paul’s exhortations. Ironically, Paul
was never married.
Vs.1-2, "Now regarding the
questions, you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual
relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have
his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband."
The Corinthians wrote to Paul,
asking him a question, "is it a good thing for a man to have sexual
relations or abstain from it? Paul answered, saying that it is good for a man
to abstain from sexual relations. Since Corinth had so much sexual immorality,
he urged that each man should have his own wife, and
each woman should have her own husband."
We live in a world where we are constantly
bombarded by hypersexual images and a twisted understanding of Sex and
Sexuality. Yet as believers in the Lord, we are called to a higher standard of
integrity regarding living, especially as married couples. The apostle Paul
lays out a pathway to healthier and much more fulfilling marriages. Some of the
principles found in this passage go against popular culture and its
understanding of morality.
“Vs.3-4, "The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her
husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and
the husband gives authority over his body to his wife."
II
SEXUAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE
After stressing that each man
should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband, he
explains the solemn duties that each other must fulfill in the Ministry of
Marriage. God’s intention in marriage is that a husband and wife meet each
other’s sexual needs. Dorothy notes, “Sex
is not designed to simply be a momentary act of pleasure between two consenting
adults. God intends for Sex to be an essential component of a covenanted
marriage that draws two people into deeper emotional and spiritual Intimacy
even as it brings profound pleasure. Rather than being inherently carnal and
self-centered.
God's design elevates conjugal love
as a symbol of Christ's union to the Church, making Sex both spiritual and
sacrificial. In fact, when we prioritize our spouse's needs and make love with
an awareness of the Holy Spirit's presence, it results in Sex that's truly
transcendent."[1]
When we keep God in the center of our
lives, honor and respect one another, Sexual Intimacy fulfills our physical, emotional,
and spiritual needs. In verses 3-4, Paul mentions two key ingredients that
enhance sexual Intimacy. They are Oneness and Mutuality.
A.
ONENESS:
When Paul said, "The husband should
fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's
needs,” he may have had God’s original formula of leaving and cleaving and
becoming one. Genesis 2:24, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and
is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Paul’s Jewish audience was
aware of the oneness theme.
They prayed morning and evening what
is known as “Shema.” “Hear, O
Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one,” Deut 6:4, perhaps to remind them in
Trinity, where all three persons maintain their individuality and yet function
as one being.
Dorothy notes, in her book, “God
designed marriage and marital intimacy to join together two distinct
individuals who never lose their own identity and yet as a team become
something more.” The desire to make love to attain oneness reflects that we are
created in the image of God. In
Ephesians 5:30-32, Paul compares this physical oneness in marriage to the union
of the Church with Christ. “And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures
say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two
are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the
way Christ and the Church are one.”
Understanding oneness as both spiritual and
physical adds layers of dimensionality to our intimate lives. After emphasizing
oneness, Paul introduced the idea of Mutuality. Vs.4, “The wife gives authority
over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to
his wife.” The authority here is not to control or manipulate but to serve one
another in love.
B.
MUTUALITY.
This verse suggests that a husband
and wife should mutually recognize that their bodies do not belong to them entirely.
They are also encouraged to give authority to their spouse over their bodies
voluntarily. This thought of Mutuality was revolutionary in Paul’s time.
At that time, women were seen as subservient and were expected to satisfy men’s sexual and other needs. They were looked at as mere objects of man’s pleasure. Unfortunately, this thinking still circles around in many parts of the world, including our country. Dorothy notes: “The goal of mutuality in the bedroom was and continues to be a radical departure of all cultural norms.”
I must admit here, Wilma has been drilling this principle of Mutuality for the past twenty-five years. I slowly understand what Mutuality is all about. Dorothy's husband Christopher has a bit of advice for men. “Men, we will experience richer, deeper, more fulfilling sex with our wives if we don’t push them or expect Sex more frequently than they can engage. Women are often labeled as selfish or stubborn if they show any disinterest. There is typically a lot more going on.”
If you want to have fulfilling sexual Intimacy in marriage, the “my way or the highway” approach won’t work. It has to be mutually agreed upon. To achieve oneness and Mutuality, we need to make sacrifices. When our wives are sick and in pain, we don’t force or manipulate our way. Instead, we will be patient, considerate, and love them sacrificially. Elsewhere, while giving guidelines for happy homes, Paul gives specific instructions to husbands and wives. Ephesians 5:33, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.”
To enjoy Sexual Intimacy in your
marriage, here is a cycle of “Love and Respect.” How do we do this practically?
Let’s call it the ministry of small
things. Finding out what it is that makes your wife’s or husband's day? Your wife might be thrilled if you empty the
dishwasher or pick up your socks after yourself, or make her a cup of tea or
clean the fridge or make a meal or take time to listen to her by turning off
your cellphone.
Wives, what can you do? You might
save your husband stress and please him if he doesn’t return to a messy house
after a trip or work, give him a back rub, cook his favorite meal once in a
while, or show interest in his hobby. My friend used to say; the smallest deed
is greater than the grandest intention. In marriage, it proves to be correct.
Therefore, let us outdo favors to
each other. We will learn about the
ministry of singlehood next week. A closing thought, Good Sex at night begins
in the morning by being kind, loving, and respectful of each other. Amen!
