LOVING RELATIONSHIPS AT HOME

LOVING RELATIONSHIPS AT HOME

“Children & Parents” Ephesians 6:1-4

Introduction: In our 24 years of married life, some of the most satisfying and fulfilling years have been, when we were raising our three young daughters in India. We took our parenting seriously, we read up books on effective parenting, and tried to apply parenting principles from God’s word. We sought to raise our children with a different set of values than we had been raised with by our parents. It is not that we have always done it right, but to the best of our ability we tried to model Christ. Now, we are in the season of launching young adult daughters.

            I remember one early child raising incident when Joanna dropped our tape recorder and broke it. Both Joanna and Jemimah sensed that I might get mad, so they got together and prayed. When I came home, they told me what had happened. I had a choice to make, either to react Christ like or do what my father did to me when I lost a toy, which was to give a good beating. Thank God! I chose the former and gave them a big hug for telling the truth and being honest.

            I am sure most of you agree, that parenting is the most important responsibility a couple could have, especially when you are raising young children. But we are often at a loss when it comes to knowing how to be better parents to our children. God has given us His word, the Bible where we can find some principles on how to raise God fearing children.

            For the past several weeks we have been working through the letter of the Apostle Paul to a young church in Ephesus, where he addressed how to live Christ honoring lives in a world that has either less or no regard for God or His principles. Last week we have looked at the case for marriage. Today we will look at another equally important relationship, which is the relationship between children and parents. “Loving Relationships at Home: Children & Parents” To understand this dynamic relationship between Children and Parents, let’s look at a typical Roman household. Roman writers commonly discussed family life in terms of three sets of relationships: Husbands and wives, parents and children, and masters and slaves. Fathers were expected to provide for their families, although mothers often imparted the most direct moral influence on young children. As a son grew up, however, the father would assume primary responsibility for his education and discipline. The Roman mother held a place of high honor in society and was expected to behave with honor and chastity. Mothers held the household keys and managed domestic servants. The welfare and the education of children was shared by both the parents.           What does a typical American household look like these days? In a culture where many marriages, families and homes are hurting, how are we as Christian households to raise our children? What keeps a home and family together? What are the roles of children and the parents in a Christian home? The Apostle Paul gives a few principles for both the children and parents to follow. First let’s look at how must children behave toward their parents.

I. CHILDREN OBEY YOUR PARENTS (1-3)

            Vs 1-3, Children, obey your parents in the Lord. This is right and proper. Honor your father and your mother, this is the first commandment that comes with a promise attached. So that things may go well with you and that you may live a long life on earth.” The Greek word for obedience here means: “To hear, to listen, give head, yield and mostly it means obey.

            Colossians 3:20, reads, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing (acceptable) to the Lord.” God is pleased when we are obedient to Him and to our parents. Do you sometimes find it hard to be obedient? It is not surprising if you do. Every one at times finds it hard to obey. How does obeying our parents look like in our times? 

            Children pay close attention to this. For example, when your Mom and Dad asks you to clean up your room and empty the dish washer that’s what exactly you do and do it cheerfully, and as quickly as possible. Some one said, “delayed obedience is equivalent to disobedience.”

            The scripture says obey your parents in all things. At the same time, it also says, “In the Lord.” What does that mean? It means at times you may have to disobey your parents because what they may say to you may not be God’s will for you. For example, if your parents were to tell you to go steal something, cheat, or to lie. All these things go against God’s will for us.

            Along with obedience children are also commanded to honor their mother and father. To emphasis this point, the apostle Paul referred to the fifth commandment that says “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” (Ex. 20:12). This is the first commandment with a promise.

            A long life is promised to those who honor their parents. In eastern cultures, children never address their parents by their first names. We see even grown up adults honoring and respecting their fathers and mothers. When they leave on a journey or come home after many days they bow down and touch the feet of their parents seeking their blessing.

            To my astonishment after moving to the USA I was shocked to hear young children calling adults by their first names. Some children and young people do not respect and honor their parents. They are often rude and disobedient to their parents, to their own determent.  How do we honor our parents? What does it look like?  It means being responsive and respectful.

            Pay attention to when your parents are talking to you. Put your cellphone away give eye contact. Don’t talk back disrespectfully. Follow through when asked to do something. Trust that your parents want the best for you. Love does not mean you always get what you want. Your parents love you that is why they want to train you and prepare you to be all that you can be, that includes character training.  A very vital part of a great life is to have a good relationship with your parents. Now let’s turn to Dads.

II. THE DO’S AND DONT’S FOR DADS

            Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” In Col 3:22 we read what happens to the children when they were provoked to anger, “they may lose heart.” Or become discouraged. Earlier we learned that both the mother and the father play important roles in raising children, however here fathers seem to have been given extra responsibilities to discipline, and to instruct the children.           Unfortunately, many dads are abdicating this responsibility as a result child are growing up to be unruly and disobedient. There are other fathers who provoke or exasperate their children to anger, subjecting many children to discouragement. Fathers remember we are commanded not to provoke our children to anger.

            Provoking to anger” suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds up a deep–seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward hostility. Here is a test to fathers and mothers, how do you know you might be exasperating your children? These are some of the ways you might be exasperating your children:  

            1 Over protection: It may be well meaning, but if you are constantly hovering over your child, it can be suffocating and your child may resent it in the long run. (examples, soccer moms or baseball dads). Some mothers smother their children, never leaving them to explore new things. No doubt you can love them, but also give them some room. 

            2. Showing favoritism. One child is favored over other children. I can tell by experience, in Indian homes, boys are often favored over girls. In my home it was the same case us two brothers were given better treatment then our three younger sisters.

            3. Pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds. A third way parents provoke their children is by pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds.

            A child can be so pressured to achieve that he is virtually destroyed. He quickly learns that nothing he does is sufficient to please his parents. No sooner does he accomplish one goal than he is challenged to accomplish something better.  That child will become competitive, will do anything just to get parental love. Your child desperately needs to know that he or she is loved for who he or she is apart from grades or accomplishments.

            My sincere advice to parents who are still raising young children. Please take a look at your parenting style, you may be exasperating your child by your over protection, showing favoritism and pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds. This is how some secular homes may function, but Christian homes are to be different. My humble advice to fathers and mothers, is that you make sure to spend time with your children, hear what they have to say to you.

            Really seek to understand and affirm the uniqueness of each child. Fathers be able to say sorry when you are wrong.  All children crave for positive affirmation, and unconditional love from their parents. Above all keep the communication doors open. In the OT the Jewish parents were encouraged to instruct their children in the ways of God, this is what they were to do: “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates,” Deuteronomy 11:19.

            This shows how our faith is to be integrated into all aspects of our life. I am impressed when I see how Jewish parents walk with their children talking along the way when they go to the Synagogue. Let’s take advantage of our dinner times around the table. Let everyone put away their cellphones. Play board games or do a puzzle together. Use your long car drives to and from school to engage your children in meaningful conversations. At times I still find this the hardest thing to do, but when I finally get to do, I have great conversations with our daughters.

            These are just only a few suggestions, there are more, but you get the point. When parents show unconditional love, acceptance and appreciation combined with healthy discipline in that atmosphere children will thrive.  May the Lord help us to make our homes safe heavens for our children to grow and become all that God would want the to be. Amen!

             

THE CASE FOR MARRIAGE

THE CASE FOR MARRIAGE

Ephesians 5:22-33

Introduction: IS MARRIAGE NECESSARY? 44% of Americans ages 20 to 69 believe marriage is not necessary in order to have a committed, fulfilling, life-long relationship, reports a poll. Marriage Savers' president Mike McManus finds the number shocking. He says, "People who are married live longer, they're healthier, they're happier; they're wealthier. A man who's single, for whatever reason, will live 10 years less than a married man; a woman, about 4 years less." Many fear if they marry, they'll end up divorced, and their antidote is to cohabit. But Rutgers University's National Marriage Project research finds couples who live together before marriage are 46% more likely to divorce and significantly more likely to experience domestic violence within their relationships.

            Wilma and I believe in marriage and are firm promoters of healthy marriages. We have been married for nearly 24 years. In the course of time we have learned and are continuing to learn certain divine principles founded in God’s word to help keep our marriage vibrant and healthy. In the past several weeks we have been studying the book of Ephesians.

            We have been looking at how to apply the divine doctrinal principles that were found in the first three chapters of Ephesians in our day to day relationships. Today we will learn how those principles can help keep the vital human relationship called marriage vibrant, healthy and lasting a life time. I want to make, “The Case for Marriage.”

            Someone said, “In a successful marriage, there is no such thing as one’s way. There is only the way of both, only the bumpy, dusty, difficult, but always mutual path." In the passage we read the Apostle Paul, lays out a mutual path for couples who are aspiring to have a successful marriage, by explaining the responsibilities of both men and women in marriage.

I. MARRIAGE IS A DIVINE ORDINANCE

            They say marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth. Marriage is a divine ordinance. In fact, God was the one who solemnized the first wedding in the Garden of Eden when he brought Adam and Eve together in marriage and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.” In marriage, two imperfect people come together and become one flesh.

            This “one flesh” concept as Paul calls it a great mystery can only be experienced between a husband and a wife in the loving logical limits of marriage. Building on this premises Paul lays out a few key principles of submission, respect and love. Paul holds both the wives and husbands responsible in marriage. I believe these principles can be applied for all marriages.

II. THE WIFE’S RESPONSIBILITY

            Vs, 22-24, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Verse 22 may be one of the most feared by western Christian married men in the Bible, it may be also one of the most abused, and wrongly interpreted verses in the context of marriage. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands.” Paul maintains the conventional expectation that wives should submit, but grounds it in more specifically Christian submission.

            Ephesians 5: 1-2 reads, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” We are encouraged to imitate Christ’s example of love. How did Christ love us? Sacrificially! If we are to love as Christ loved, then we too must love sacrificially. 

            Loving as Christ loves means self-sacrifice and becoming the servant and even the slave of all.  This is what it meant in Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” We submit to each other not because of any hierarchical relationship among us, but out of respect and reverence for Christ who became the servant of ll. Are we greater than Jesus? If he has become servant to all, then so can we. Let’s keep this in mind as we work through Vs22.

            “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”  The Greek word here does really mean “submit” But it is an aspect of the mutual submission taught in v. 21 As all Christians are expected to live lives of general submission, wives have the additional, more specific expectation to submit to their husbands. It does in no way put a woman’s husband in the place of the Lord but shows rather that a woman ought to submit to her husband as an act of service to the Lord. It should go without saying that this is a general principle not applicable to situations of abuse or participation in sin. It doesn’t mean that wives become a doormat.

            This particular example of submission is based on the theological principle that, “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church.” This concept of husband being the head of the wife has been one of the most misunderstood and abused concepts. This misunderstanding has brought many conflicts in the institution of marriage subsequently destroying marriages and splitting families.  Paul tells us how we should understand the word, “head” as a metaphor of a body that has a head. The husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church as every living body has a head attached.

            The church is a body with Christ as the head. Similarly, in marriage, two people constitute a single unit, and yet in that one body there are two personalities. These two if they are going to be united, must have a headship, and that head is the man according to God’s creation and ordinance. This is not to say man is superior and woman is inferior to man.

            Unfortunately, in the body of Christ, some Christian men take this “headship” to a whole different level, focusing only on giving orders, and commands expecting their wives to submit to their demands. They fail to recognize the other functions of being the head, and they are to love, protect, provide and treat their wives with dignity as co-equals in marriage.

III. THE HUSBAND’S RESPONSIBILITY (Vs 25-33)

            In the passage we read while only two verses deal with the wives’ submission, and nine verses deal with husbands’ responsibility, yet far too much energy has been spent on the wives submitting to their husbands and too far little on the demands placed on the husband. Let’s look at various responsibilities of a husband in a marriage relationship. Husbands get ready!

            Vs 25, “Husbands love your wives.”  Husband’s loving their wives is not a good suggestion but is a command. Though the husband’s authority has been established (vv. 22–24), the emphasis moves to the supreme responsibility of husbands in regard to their wives, which is to love them with the same unreserved, selfless, and sacrificial love that Christ has for His church. Christ gave everything He had, including His own life, for the sake of His church, and that is the standard of sacrifice for a husband’s love of his wife.

            The Apostle Paul gives another clear-cut command to husbands in Col. 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. When husbands can learn to love their wives and treat them tenderly there will be peace, joy and harmony in marriages. When husbands stop loving and treat their wives harshly that marriage can be miserable and may not last longer.

            In our early marriage, especially when Wilma was nursing and taking care of our three daughters in India, God spoke to me during one of my bible readings through Isaiah 40:11, “He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.”

            Though in general I treat Wilma with gentleness and dignity after reading that scripture I became a bit more tender towards her. After having been married for quite some time I learned this principle of love, and it works. My humble advice for all the husbands at Hope Church is please pay attention to what the scriptures say about how to love and treat our wives. When we invest in our marriage through love, we will enjoy rich benefits in return for a long time. What hinders couples from enjoying this marital bliss? What makes marriages end up in divorce?

            It is the ignorance of and failure to meet two basic needs of husbands and wives in all marriage relationships, and they are: “Love and Respect.” Dr. Eggerichs deals extensively on this matter in his book, “Love & Respect.” He notes, “The Love and Respect approach to marriage is based on the awareness that any couple is always potentially on one of three cycles:

            The Crazy Cycle, the Energizing Cycle or the Rewarded Cycle. None of these cycles is a permanent, static situation. A lot of couples, however, seem to spend most of their time on the Crazy Cycle, which is summed up like this:  Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, He reacts without Love.” Clearly, the Crazy Cycle triggers and fuels itself.

            When a wife feels unloved, she tends to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. When a husband feels disrespected, he tends to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. And around and round they go on the Crazy Cycle. If you are on a Crazy Cycle, how can you get out of it? The solution is found in Vs 33, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (NLT)

            The only way a couple can break this Crazy Cycle is by obeying this command that is given to both the husbands and the wives. The husband must love their wives and the wives must respect their husbands. What is more, the love and respect are to be unconditional.

            When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.  When a wife chooses to come across respectfully even though she feels unloved, she can stop or slow the Crazy Cycle as well. On the other hand, life gets insane when a husband says to himself, “I am not going to love that woman until she starts showing me some respect! I will not talk to her.”        Likewise, madness reigns when a wife says to herself, I am not going to respect that man until he earns my respect and starts loving me and treating me with dignity the way he should. I will teach him. The secret to building a happy and healthy marriage is to recognize when you are on the Crazy Cycle and come out of it by intentionally and unconditionally loving and respecting one another.”[1] Love and respect are like the two rails on a railway track. When they are properly in place your marriage train can have a smooth ride, but when they are out of place you can wreck your marriage beyond repair, when that happens there will be so many casualties.

            As we leave, if you have been married for quite some time, and are still committed in that relationship please examine yourself. If you are a wife how is your submission to your husband? Do you submit t him out of reverence for Christ? Do you respect him? If you are a husband are you loving your wife as Christ loved you sacrificially and unconditionally?

            For all those who are newly married and or aspiring to be married, I have a word of encouragement for you. If you are ever loving and forgiving you will have fewer conflicts to deal with. What keeps a marriage alive and healthy for a long time is, keeping Jesus in the center of your marriage.  May the Holy Spirit help us to love and respect our spouses unconditionally so that we can build and enjoy a happy and healthy marriage which will last for a life time. Amen!

           

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[1] Emerson Eggerichs, “Cracking the Communication Code.” Pages 11, 12

PRAYING FOR THE PERSECUTED CHURCH

PRAYING FOR THE PERSECUTED CHURCH

Acts 12:1-19

Introduction: Asia Bibi, a 37-year-old Pakistani woman from the village of Ittanwali, was arrested by police on Friday, June 19, 2009. Asia (also called Asia Noreen) is the wife of 50-year-old Ashiq Masih, and their family is one of only three Christian families in a village of 1,500 families. Many of the local women, including Asia, work on the farm of Muslim landowner Muhammad Idrees. During their work, many of the Muslim women have pressured Asia to renounce Christianity and accept Islam. In June, the pressure became especially strong.        On Friday, June 19, there was an intense discussion among the women about their faith. The Muslim women told Asia about Islam. Asia responded by telling them about her faith in Christ. Asia told the Muslim women Christ had died on the cross for sins, then asked them what Mohammad had done for them, according to VOM sources. She told them Jesus is alive, but Mohammad is dead. “Our Christ is the true prophet of God,” she reportedly told them, “and yours is not true.” Upon hearing this, the Muslim women became angry and began to beat Asia.           Then some men took her and locked her in a room. Later on the local police arrested her.

Seventeen months after Asia’s arrest, she was convicted of violating subsection C of Pakistan’s 295 blasphemy law - blasphemy against the prophet Muhammad - and was sentenced to death. No Christian in Pakistan has ever been executed under the blasphemy law, but in several cases, extremists have murdered Christians after their release from prison.

            Asia’s conviction and death sentence have brought international attention to the country’s blasphemy laws. Christians have called for Asia’s release and for a repeal of the laws, while extremists in Pakistan continue to demand that she be executed. The Voice of the Martyrs urged Christians around the world to pray for Asia Bibi and her family. Many have been praying for her release. Finally, God answered the persistent prayers of Christians worldwide.

            On Oct. 31, 2018 at 9 a.m. Pakistani time, Pakistan's Supreme Court acquitted Asia Bibi. The justices deferred their decision for nearly three weeks before swiftly announcing Asia's acquittal and immediate release. This is just one story. In more than 50 nations around the world today Christians are being persecuted for their faith. In some of these nations it is illegal to own a Bible, to share your faith Christ, change your faith or teach your children about Jesus. Those who boldly follow Christ—in spite of government edict or radical opposition—can face harassment, arrest, torture and even death. Yet Christians continue to meet for worship and to witness for Christ, and the church in restricted nations is growing.

             We are living in a relatively peaceful country where we have the freedom to preach and practice our Christian faith. Thank God that we are spared from persecution here, unlike in many other countries. As a result, I wonder are we are becoming apathetic, and our love for the Lord and others may be growing cold. I believe today the Lord will stir us up, so that we can become more compassionate about the struggles and hardship of others, in particular our brothers and sisters who are being persecuted for their faith.

            Today is the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church, where many Christians around the world are and will be praying and standing in solidarity with Christians that are being persecuted. God forbid, this would happen, but in case if we are to face persecution for our faith here in the USA, how do we respond to it? What should be our response towards persecution in general and the persecuted church worldwide?

I. I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS! (Persecution)

            In the west many Christians when they first accept Christ as their personal savior have a rosy idea of what it is to follow Him. The feel elated to know that their sins have been forgiven, Joy and Peace had been restored, and now they are on their way to heaven.

            However, what they often fail to recognize is that before we get to heaven we must go through hardships, difficulties and even persecution. Did I say, persecution? You might be saying; wait a minute, when I accepted Jesus as my savior, I did not sign up for persecution. No one ever told me about it. You are right even the early disciples did not get it at first. But as they kept following Christ, and listening to his tough teachings on “picking up the cross, dying to self “they realized that there is price to be paid inorder to become devoted followers of Christ. 

            Listen to this conversation between the Apostle Peter and Jesus. Mark 10:28-30, “Then Peter spoke up, “We have left everything to follow you!” “Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields along with persecutions and in the age to come eternal life.”

            Yes, we will receive a hundred-fold blessing when we follow Christ, but along with that let’s not make a mistake we will be persecuted for our faith. Jesus warned his disciples saying, Matthew 10:22-23, “You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another.” II Timothy 3:12, “In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.”

            In spite of these scriptural warnings, when we do actually go through persecution, we are surprised! We tend to think we are the only one going through this suffering. The scriptures give us a couple of ways how we can we respond to persecution when persecution strikes our door. First, our personal response to persecution starts with recognition, that I am not the only one who is going through this suffering but there are many of my brothers and sisters in the family of God who are going through the same suffering or even worse.

            I Peter 4: 12-14, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.”

            Secondly, we are to pray for God’s strength to endure, and also for those who are persecuting us. Matthew 5: 43-44, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” So far, we looked at our individual response to our persecution, now let’s look at our corporate response to those who are being persecuted.

II. PRAYING FOR THE PERSECUTED CHURCH

             Whenever, missionaries meet the persecuted Christians, the first thing they would tell them is that please pray for us, and tell the Church not to forget us. In the passage we read we will see how the church responded towards Peter who was being persecuted for His faith.

            Acts, 12^th chapter begins with the unleashing of persecution upon the church by King Herod. Several Christians were arrested, and James the brother of John was put to death by a sword. King Herod was a man pleaser, when he saw what he did was pleasing to the Jews he seized Peter and put him in prison during the feast of the Unleavened bread. Peter was to be guarded by four squads of four soldiers, to cover all four watches of the night.

            Peter was placed in between two soldiers, bound with two chains, making escape highly impossible. When Peter was in prison, the Church was earnestly praying for Peter’s release. God heard their prayers and sent an angel to rescue Peter. Vs 7, “Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up.

            Quick, get up!” he said, and the chains fell off Peter’s wrists. “As the story continuous, we see Peter standing at the door of the house where they were praying and kept knocking the door. A servant girl named Rhoda came to the door, when she recognized it was Peter, she went back and told the group that Peter was standing at the door. But they couldn’t believe their ears, they said to her, “You are out of your mind.” Really! Who was out of their mind here?

            She kept insisting, it was Peter and they kept saying, No! It was his angel. Peter kept knocking, and finally when they had opened the door they were amazed. I wonder why? Were they not praying for his release? When God answered their prayer, why were they amazed? Some times we too are like that, we pray for something and when God answers we are surprised.      

             This morning we are going to watch a brief video, about the persecuted Christians in Pakistan and we will get to pray for them. At the end of the service please take the commitment cards and make a commitment to pray for them regularly. Many Christians like Asia BiBi are imprisoned for their faith. They are looking to God for help, can we stand in the gap through our prayers and support so that God would answer our prayers and release them from their imprisonment. Amen!