What Love Is Not

                                                            WHAT LOVE IS NOT

Introduction: The Italians have a beautiful expression for love: ti voglio bene. Though commonly translated as "I love you," [the phrase] more literally means "I wish you good" or "I want what is good for you." This simple phrase reminds us that true love is not primarily about what good feelings may be stirring within me. Even less is it about what I can get out of a relationship for myself. The fullness of love is looking outward toward my beloved and seeking what is best for that person, not just what is good for me.[1]

            Biblical love is not self-centered but other-centered. God demonstrated His sacrificial Love by sending His only Son, Jesus Christ, into this world. Not only that, God lavishly poured out His Love on all of us so that we should be called the sons and daughters of God.

            As God's children, we are called to live and operate in our heavenly Father's Love. The Apostle Paul labored to drill this concept of love in all its variations into the minds of divergent, conflicted congregants of the Corinthian Church. We learned that love is patient and kind. As we work through this passage, keep our name in place of love. God's love should impact us first before it impacts others through us. Here are the four things that Love is Not.

I. Love is not jealous (Love doesn't envy or want what it doesn't have)

            If we are honest with ourselves, none of us are immune to this sin virus called envy. All of us are impacted by it one way or the other. Countless lives were lost, kingdoms ruined, marriages ended in divorce, and churches split because people didn't know how to handle envy.

            Jealousy or envy or wanting what others have been an age-old problem that began way back in the Garden. Cain envied his brother Abel, which made him angry and led him to kill his brother. Do you see what envy can do? True love doesn't envy or want what it doesn't have.

            A recent study found that heavy Facebook users can experience envy, leading to extreme sadness. The researchers surveyed 736 college students and found that if you quietly stalk your friends on Facebook and then realize that your life doesn't measure up to theirs, you feel bad about yourself. "If Facebook is used to see how well an acquaintance is doing financially or how happy an old friend is in his relationship that could cause envy, could even lead to depression."[2]

            It is not only a college student phenomenon; I struggled with it. Regularly checking on FB made me an envious and miserable person. So, I decided to minimize my use of Facebook, and I feel much better. Facebook may be a trap for the middle-aged, but how about the teens?

            Since at least March 2020, Facebook officials have known that Instagram—the photo-sharing app owned by Facebook, Inc.—has the power to make teenagers feel worse about their bodies, according to an internal report obtained by The Wall Street Journal. "Thirty-two percent of teen girls said that when they felt bad about their bodies, Instagram made them feel worse."[3]

            The scriptures warn us of the adverse impact of Jealousy. (Prov 27:4) "Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous." One of Job's friends noted, "Jealousy kills the simple." Job 5:2. Jealousy steals your peace. Prov 14:30, "A Peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones." Being Jealous is foolish (Ecc 4:4).

            Paul was concerned about the spiritual condition of the Corinthian Church. He addressed them as worldly and sinful because there was Jealousy among them. I Cor 3:3, "for you are still controlled by your sinful nature. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other.       Doesn't that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren't you living like people of the world? What do we do with our Jealousy? We must get rid of it. (I Pet 2:1). How do we do that? By repenting of our Jealousy and asking God to fill us with His Love, which is not jealous.

II. Love is not boastful or Proud (Love doesn't strut or have a swelled head)

            It seemed like in Corinthian Church; there were a few boastful and proud people. Paul addressed that in his letter earlier in Chapter four. They were being proud of their leaders at the expense of another leader. They were boastful of what they had achieved and acquired as though they did it by their sheer wisdom and strength. They forgot God, the very source from whom all things came in the first place. Do we have anything that has not been given to us by God?

            Then why boast? Yet that is what we love doing at times knowingly and unknowingly. Let's define these familiar words and see what the Bible says about them. "Boasting is excessively proud and self-satisfied talk about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities."         Pride, in the Bible, is not always viewed negatively. The Apostle Paul used this good side of pride to express his confidence in the Corinthians. II Cor 7:4, "I have the highest confidence in you, and I take great pride in you. You have greatly encouraged me and made me happy despite all our troubles." In other words, Paul was saying; I am proud of you!

            We often say to others, "we are proud of them," that is okay. Our concern, however, is about the sin of pride. God takes a serious view on this sin as it is, along with unbelief, the root of all other sins. Pride stems from self-righteousness self-exaltation. Pride was Satan's downfall.         Isaiah 14:12-17 notes how Satan exalted himself above God and how God humbled him by throwing him down from heaven. What caused Satan's downfall can cause our downfall too. We are proud when we say I did it without the help of God or I don't need God's help. We are proud when we take glory for our accomplishments without giving credit back to God.

            King David gave credit back to God for his victories. Psalm 115:1-2, Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness." If there is any good in us or we did anything good, it is only because of God's love and faithfulness.

III. Love is not rude. (Doesn't force itself on others)

            When the Apostle Paul wrote to the believers in Corinth about Love not being rude, he warned them about the destructive power of rudeness and how being rude to others can damage them and eventually destroy relationships. The dictionary defines rudeness as lacking in manners, discourtesy, or inconsiderate behavior. Synonyms: Impoliteness, bad manners, incivility, disrespect, ungraciousness, boorishness, rudeness, etc.

            Love is not rude. The Greek phrase could be translated as "does not act unbecomingly (NABS)" or "does not act inappropriately." Christian Love does not seek to cause problems, and it does not belittle others. Christian Love involves choosing appropriate actions and responses that help other people. Rudeness is finding more acceptance in our culture.

            How can we notice rudeness? It can burst out through a foul mouth or crude and inappropriate words and inappropriate body gestures. It is seen when someone inappropriately touches the opposite gender without their consent. Or when people are rough with others.

            These are obvious and glaring ways, but you can also be rude in subtle ways. You can be rude to people when you ignore them, don't respond to their questions, and bury yourself in your I-phone or books. What are the devastating effects of rudeness? It can disturb the mind, destroy the heart, or dismantle the morality of others. In essence, rudeness is an abuse of power.

IV. What does the Bible say about rudeness?

            Several scriptures in the Bible allude to the fact that we may be rude to others through our words and actions. Proverbs 18:20-21, " Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. 21 Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose. (The Message). Titus 3:2, "They must not slander anyone and must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone."

            By saying "love is not rude," in a way, Paul said, "Love is not disrespectful of others. Whether we agree with people's political views, religious beliefs, or stance on vaccinations, Christians are called to respect people. Paul called out the Corinthian believers to live out the most excellent way to lead and serve others, in Jesus' name, and it is all about love. True love is not rude, not obnoxious, nor irreverent. It does not control by pushing its agenda on others. It respects all people because all are made in the image of God.

            In a dog-eat-dog world, Paul encouraged Corinthian believers to live counter-cultural. If the whole world is going in one direction, he challenged Christ's followers to move in the opposite direction towards Christ. How does this work out in our daily life? If people are jealous, we live contently. If they are boastful,  we give glory back to God. If they are proud, we remain humble. If they are rude, we respect everyone. That is the way of Christ. 

            What stops us from indulging in these sinful and harmful patterns of life? By following Paul's advice to the believers in Rome. Romans 13:13-14, Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don't participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and Jealousy.

            Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don't let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires." By our continual living in the presence of our Lord, we may put an end to these sinful behaviors. I invite you to journey on this most excellent path of love where is no place for Jealousy, Boasting, Pride, and Rudeness. Amen!

 

 

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[1] Source: Adapted from Edward Sri, Men, Women and the Mystery of Love (Servant Books, 2007), page 55

[2] https://money.cnn.com/2015/03/02/technology/facebook-envy/

[3] https://news.northeastern.edu/2021/09/20/negative-effects-of-instagram/

LOVE IS KIND

                                               LOVE IS KIND

Introduction: Does this world need kindness? In 1982 Berkeley writer and activist Anne Herbert coined a simple phrase: Random Acts of Kindness (RAOK). The idea took root, then took off. We all agree that the world needs kindness more than ever, but we wait for someone else to be kind towards us instead; how about we become the trendsetters of kindness? The broken and hurting often reach out and be kind to others. One of them was Princes Diane.

            Despite her depression, struggle with bulimia, hurting marriage which ended up in divorce, she personified kindness worldwide. She got involved in many acts of kindness. Here is her endorsement of the Random Acts of Kindness organization. "Perhaps we are too embarrassed to change or too frightened of the consequences of showing that we actually care.

            But why not risk it anyway? Begin Today. Carry out a random act of seemingly senseless kindness, with no expectation of reward or punishment, safe in the knowledge that one day, someone somewhere might do the same for you."[1] It was our first vacation in the USA.

            A few years ago, we were heading towards Berkshires in a car as a family. On the highway, the front passenger side of our car tire blew out. I did not know how to change a tire. I called the triple "A" for help. Out of nowhere, a stranger pulled off to the side and helped us change the tire. I offered to pay him, but he refused to take it. We thanked him and moved on.

            That was a random act of kindness. On the way, one of our daughters asked me; Papa, are there angles? I said, you just saw one! In our study on an Excellent way of living last week, you patiently endured my sermon on one aspect of love: Patience. Today we will look into the other element; Love is Kind. After addressing various concerns, struggles, and challenges of the Corinthian believers, the apostle Paul showed them how to live a life filled with love.

            In Chapter thirteen first three verses, he argued about the supremacy of love over mere human knowledge and other accomplishments of giving and sacrifices. Then he defined what true Biblical love is. Love is Patient, and Love is Kind. Let us look at What and why kindness is? The purpose and the power of kindness and how we might become kind people.          

I. What is Kindness?

            The dictionary definition of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Kindness is a behavior marked by acts of generosity, consideration, or concern for others without expecting praise or reward.[2] It means caring, being selfless, and compassionate.

            It is one of the essential words in the O.T. The Hebrew word, chesed which occurs more than 190 times in the Torah, means more than simply "kindness." Often translated as "lovingkindness." It means giving oneself entirely, with love and compassion. Other definitions used in the Bible for Kindness are love, benevolence, goodwill, benefit, mercy, etc. 

            Biblical kindness is an attitude of love that contains acts of mercy. In King James Version, we see the word "lovingkindness," which captures the word's whole meaning. Lovingkindness is often attributed to God and his acts of kindness. Consider these scriptures:

            In Genesis 19, the angels of the Lord rescued Lot before they destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. To this overwhelming act of kindness, this was how Lot responded, Gen 19-19, "Now behold, your servant has found favor in your sight, and you have magnified your compassion, which you have shown me by saving my life."

            Young David was anointed to be the future King of Israel. Yet he ran from Saul, who was after his life. He lived in the wilderness for thirteen years. Amid the stress and harsh living in the wilderness, he learned to trust God. He realized God's love and kindness are better than life.

            Out of desperation, David sang this Psalm of Praise. Psalm 63:3-4, "Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. Thus, I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips." When you go through troubles, sing this song. The apostle Paul taught the Corinthian believers a better way of life, a life full of love and kindness.

II. Why is Kindness essential in the life of a Christian?

            Several scriptures in the Bible talk about God's love and kindness towards his people. Psalm 136 talks about God's lovingkindness endures forever. Whatever God does is always motivated out of love. God has been not only kind to His people but also to the wicked.

            Luke 6:35, "But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil." Kindness matters to God; therefore, it should matter to us.

            Kindness is essential in the life of a believer because we are commanded to be kind. Ephesians 4:32, "Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Eph 5:1-2, "Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ."

            Proverbs 11:17, "Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you." Indeed, kindness makes others happy, but it also lifts your spirits. Just think of the last time you've done a random act of kindness. God has shown us how to be happy and healthy in life. It is scientifically proven that kindness has a lot of physical and emotional benefits. Play the video. 

III. How can Christians be kind?

            We are called to be kind both in words and deeds. Apostle Peter wrote to the persecuted Christians that God's divine power had given them everything they needed to live a godly life.

            Then he encouraged them to make every effort and supply seven things to their faith, and one of them was "brotherly affection/kindness," and top it with love. II Pet 1:5-8. What is brotherly kindness? The Greek word Philadelphia comes from two words, Philos (friend) adolphos (brother). In NIV, it is translated as "mutual affection."

            Brotherly or sisterly kindness is the love expressed between the family members of God, the Church. In other words, let's be kind to one another; that's what Christians do. How is brotherly kindness manifested? It is manifested through our words and actions.

            Kind words spoken are like honey dripping from a honeycomb to the listeners. Proverbs 16:24, "Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." Remember, we have power in our tongues. With that, we can either hurt and crush people's spirits by our harsh words or bring healing to their bodies and refresh their souls with our kind words. Watch out! How are we using our tongues? Constructively or destructively?

            We should not limit our kindness to mere words. Remember, kindness is love in action. Therefore, it has to be reflected more in actions than in words. Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God." I John 3:18-19

            We are familiar with this phrase, "Actions speak louder than words." This means a person's actions are more impactful than their mere words. Therefore, let's get past talking about being loving and kind and start making efforts to do the acts of love and kindness. 

IV. Growing in Kindness.

            None of us were born with kindness. It is an acquired thing as we grow. It is something to be taught, learned, and cultivated. It doesn't come easily; we have to be intentional at becoming kind. We are to make every effort to be kind. As Paul said, we are to "Put on kindness."

            Growing in kindness begins by recognizing how God has been kind to us despite our sinfulness. That should give us a reason to be kind to others. Where do we start? Kindness must begin with being kind to ourselves. For some, it is hard to see any good in themselves, and they always think they do not measure up to the standards of God and others.

            Speak the gospel to yourself, saying, I am beloved of God, I am forgiven, I am healed, and I am okay. Being kind to yourself is essential. You cannot give from what you do not have. The next place to practice kindness is at home, in your marriage, and with your children.          Husbands, how do you treat your wives? Are you gentle and kind towards them or harsh? Do you speak words of tenderness and love or use cutting words to hurt them? Do you help out with household chores? It could be said of the wives too. Kindness must begin at home first.    We learned about Joseph in our EHS class this past Wednesday. Joseph, just because he shared his dreams, his brothers were jealous and couldn't speak a kind word to him. (Gen 37:4). In the end, they sold him as a slave to the Egyptians. While in Egypt, he was misunderstood, wrongly accused, imprisoned, and forgotten by everyone for two years, but not by God.

            God was always with him, working in him to bring him to a place where he would be a blessing to many. As the story goes, when his brothers stood before Joseph, let's see how he responded to them. Genesis 50:19-21, "But Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid of me. Am I God that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don't be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children." So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them."

            What made Joseph a loving and kind person? He experienced love and kindness from God first; out of his Emotional and Spiritual wholeness, he could forgive and be kind towards his brother despite the harm they did to him. Let's go out and be loving and kind like Joseph. Amen!  

 

 

             

 

 

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[1] Preacher’s Sourcebook of Creative Sermon Illustrations, Robert J. Morgan, Page 509

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindness

Love, The Essence Of Life

                                    LOVE, THE ESSENCE OF LIFE

Introduction: What is love? This three-lettered question has intrigued many since the beginning of creation. Many songs and stories were written about it. Famous artists painted what love is like. Many novels and books were written, movies made on the romantic side of love.

            Bible contains more scriptures on love than faith or fear. How do you define this most charming and endearing word, love? Children have the purest way to capture the essence of love. Here is love as seen through the lens of children. "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So, my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

            "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." "Love is when someone hurts you, and you get so mad, but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."

            "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." "You really shouldn't say 'I love you unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."  Last Sunday, we looked at a six-word memoir of a Christian: Love, The Trade Mark of a Christian. Today, we will look at Biblical love and how we can grow in it. We will talk about one aspect of God's love. Let's get started.

            The famous Beatles John Lennon sang, "All you need is love. All you need is love. All you need is love; love, Love is all you need." (My Grammarly said, oops, you typed repeatedly). There was a reason why John Lennon sang the word love repeatedly, during the height of the sexual revolution of the '60s. He wanted a slogan that would stick with people. And it did.

            Even after fifty-five years, the slogan, "All you need is love, is catchy." One way I agree yes, All you need is love," but not the romanticized, Hollywood version of love. The purest form of love is what the Apostle Paul referred to in I Corinthian thirteenth chapter.

 

I. LOVE, THE ESSENCE OF LIFE

            In Chapter 13, the Apostle Paul mentioned love thirteen times. Why? Was he looking for a slogan that would stick in the minds of his listeners? He repeated because love is the essence of life. Love is like the glue that keeps things together and the oil that keeps the lamps burning.

            In the English language, we use love relatively for everything. We say I love my wife, my coffee, my I-phone, my dog, and in the same breath, we say I love God. The Greeks, however, used four different words to capture the essence of love, one of them was Agape.

            Agape is the unconditional God's love that exists regardless of changing circumstances. In Chapter 13, every time you read the word love, think about Agape love. It is not shown by doing what the person loved desires, but by the one who loves deems as needed. John 3:16, For God so loved the world… that He gave…What did He give? Not what man wanted but what man needed as God perceived his need. His Son to bring forgiveness to man.

 

II. GOD IS LOVE

            People may define love differently. What is the origin of love? How do we understand what true love is? Love is action and not an abstraction. It starts with God and ends in God. I John 4:7-10, "Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

            God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins."

            This Scripture says it all. You and I have no clue what love is without knowing God. We cannot love ourselves and others without first being loved by God. God's love is selfless and directed towards others. So, when we say all, we need is love, we are telling all we need is God. Our very existence, survival, and eternal life through His Son Jesus Christ is all God's doing.

            Because God is love, when we believe in Him, we become God's children of love. We are called to dispense His love to one another, those we don't like including our enemies. Let us explore how God expresses His love towards people. I Cor 13: 4a, "Love is Patient."

 

III. LOVE IS PATIENT

            Wilma and my girls, at times, tell me I have lots of patience, especially when I work endlessly fixing a broken vase or a shoe. I think that way, but I am not always as patient as I should be. Ever since we were little, we have been told to "be patient." Patience is a virtue.

            We were told to wait until dinner to have a cookie. Then, as a teenager, to be patient when we wanted to hang out with our friends. But as we all know, waiting can be challenging, especially when you are driving behind a slow driver like me. Even more so during this Pandemic, People seem to be very impatient. I wonder what is contributing to our impatience?

            Let me define these familiar words: Patience: "The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset." Impatience: the tendency to be impatient; irritability, restlessness, frustration, nervousness, agitation, anger, short temper, rudeness, etc. Let me use these two metaphors to explain how a patient and an impatient person operate. An impatient person is like a pressure cooker that quickly builds up pressure and releases it, startling people around them. On the other hand, a patient person is like a Crock-Pot that slowly warms up and produces a steady heat, slowly taking its sweet time to cook up a delicious meal, making the household happy. How do you operate, like a Pressure Cooker or a Crock-Pot?

 

IV. What does the Bible say about patience?

             In the Bible, many words are used to describe patience. God's patience is interchangeably used as "slow to anger."Num14:18, The Lord is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion." Longsuffering means patience.

            Ephesians 4:1-2, "I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love." (NKJV).

            Paul encourages the Romans to "Be Joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Rom12:12, and Colossians to put on patience "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Colossians 3:12. Why is it essential we grow in patience?

            According to the New Testament, when we endure trials, patience purifies our faith (1 Pt 1.6-7). Patience fosters hope (Rom 8.25; 15.4), leads to perfection (Jas 1.4). How can we cultivate and grow in this essential aspect of God's love, patience?

 

V. CULTIVATING PATIENCE

            Cultivating patience starts with embracing our brokenness of impatience and putting on patience as if it were a garment.

              Col 3:12, "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." King Solomon said, patience can persuade a prince, and soft speech can break bones (Prov 25:15). Patience is better than pride (Ecclesiastes 7:8). As Paul noted, patience demonstrates love.

            We cannot grow in patience unless the Holy Spirit bears that fruit in us. Gal 5:22, But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

            Here are some practical tips for cultivating patience. First, don't be in a hurry to get to places. In your travel planning, calculate delays, traffic jams. Leave early and reach your destination safely. Second, where possible, go for long walks, which will undoubtedly slow you down. It does good to your body and soul. Third, delayed gratification. Remember your mom's advice of waiting till dinner for a cookie. Where possible, avoid fast foods.

            Learn a new hobby, make home-cooked meals. Wilma and I enjoy home-cooked meals. Ask Tom how to make simple healthy meals. I guarantee that homemade cooking is more nutritious, tastes better, and goes easy on your pocket.

            I raised a question earlier as to what is contributing to our impatience. One of the factors is our addiction to devices such as iPhones, TV, Video games, etc. When someone crosses our path while we are on them, we get irritable, angry, and snap back.

            Another way to cultivate patience is to disconnect from our devices, connect with people, and enjoy pure human-to-human connections. Parents of young children, I encourage you to carve out a time during the week when you put away devices and slow down on the couch reading books and doing a puzzle. If you are tempted to snap at someone, take a few deep breaths and hold your peace. These are a few ways you can develop patience. In closing:

            God is love, and love is patient. Let me pray the Apostle Paul's prayer, Colossians 1:9-11 “So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding.

            10 Then, the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power, so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy..” Amen!