KEYS TO A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
We have all heard people saying, "Marriages are
made in Heaven." This popular idiom suggests that two individuals were ideally suited to each other, like a match made in heaven. Most married
people realize it takes a lot of hard work to make marriages survive and be
healthy.
This past Sunday, we had a wedding in the Balla
household. As I walked my second daughter down through the Hope Church aisles,
I reflected on the heavenly wedding scene. Here I was, a father walking my
daughter Jemimah, which means radiant, passing through the cheering witnesses
and presenting her to Joshua, which means servant.
In heaven, our God the Father would present the
radiant Church to our bridegroom, Jesus Christ the great Yeshua, who came to
save and serve us. I don't know whether or not marriages are made in heaven.
But I do know that God is the originator of Marriage. In recent years, this
God-ordained institution of Marriage has come under attack. Whether you are
married, single, or not currently in a marital relationship, the Apostle Paul
shares a few keys to a healthy marriage in Ephesians 5:21-33. Before we
discuss them, let us explore the profound mystery of Marriage.
I.
Being Intimate In Marriage is the Profound Mystery.
The reading of the passage is directed towards married
people and those wanting to be married one day. Singles could also learn the
principles of a healthy marriage to help others. Ironically, the advice on a
healthy marriage comes from Paul, who was never married. Paul was not jealous
of those who were married. Instead, he recognized Marriage as a gift from God,
as was his singleness. (I Cor 7:7). I know a few people who honor God with
their gift of singleness.
My wife and I have been cherishing this gift of
Marriage for nearly thirty years. This is not to say that we never had any
problems or challenges in our Marriage. We have plenty of them, as any couple
would have, but we have learned and tried to live by biblical principles that
would make Marriage enjoyable and healthy. It begins with this profound mystery
of Marriage.
Ephesians 5:31, "For this reason a man will leave
his father, and mother, and be united to his wife, and they two will become one
flesh." This is a profound mystery. Here, Paul reaffirmed that God
ordained Marriage between a man and a woman since creation. In Marriage, God
ordained that man and woman will enjoy sexual intimacy, which is a profound
mystery.
My wife often says that in a Christian marriage,
behind closed doors, a bit of lost paradise is restored when a husband and wife
come together in sexual union. Intimacy between married couples is the glue
that bonds them together physically, spiritually, and emotionally. If you want
your Marriage to remain healthy and enjoyable, you don't deprive each other of
intimacy.
I Cor 7:5, "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a
time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then, come together
again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of
self-control." How are you keeping this crucial aspect of Marriage vibrant
if you are married? Raising children, a demanding work schedule or health
challenges could prevent married couples from regularly enjoying this God-given
gift of intimacy.
Do whatever it takes to protect those private and
intimate moments. Don't start cold-shouldering each other. Once you have
restored sexual intimacy within your Marriage, use these keys to cultivate a
healthy marriage, and they are Submission, Love, and Respect.
I.
Submission to one another is a form of Worship of Christ.
Ephesians 5:20-21, "Always giving thanks to God
the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one
another out of reverence for Christ." To submit to one another is not
based on whether or not the other person deserves it; instead, we are to submit
to one another in the fear of Christ.
Jesus showed the greatest example of submission by
making himself nothing and taking the nature of a servant. He submitted to the authorities
and died the death of a criminal on the cross so that those who believe in Him
might be saved (Phil 2:1-11).
In that same way—because of Christ and what He did for
us—we should value others. That means being willing to give ourselves up for
others or regard others as more important than ourselves (Phil 2:3). Paul's
command for the wives is, "Wives,
submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband
is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which
he is the Savior. Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should
submit to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5:22–24).
There is much misunderstanding in our world
today about the roles of husband and wife within a marriage. Many modern, even
Christian wives reject this command of God to submit to their husbands. Many
Christian husbands abuse it and mistreat their wives. Submission is not a bad word.
In Marriage, submission
is not a reflection of inferiority or lesser worth. Christ submitted Himself to
the will of the Father without giving up His worth. Similarly, a wife willingly
submits to her husband unto the Lord because she loves Jesus. The wife's
submission to the husband does not allow the husband to be selfish and abusive.
Commentator Matthew Henry wrote,
"The woman was made out of Adam's side. She was not made out of his head
to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of
his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his
heart to be loved." The apostle Paul explains how God commanded husbands
to love their wives.
II. Husbands are commanded to love their wives
as Christ loved the Church.
When we want our wives
to submit to our leadership in Marriage, we are commanded to love them as
Christ loved the Church. How did Christ love the Church? He loved the Church
with all its imperfections. He sacrificed himself to purify her by washing her through
the Word.
How could husbands
sacrificially love their wives? You love your wife through kind words and
selfless deeds. You graciously overlook her offenses. You love by giving up
your rights and preferring her needs over your needs. You shower her with
compliments.
You affirm her beauty
by treating her as a precious gem and the queen of your heart. You unselfishly
serve her as Christ served the Church by laying down his life for her. When a
wife is loved by her husband, as Christ loves the Church, then submission is
not difficult. After handing the keys of submission and love, Paul gives
the key of respect to wives for a healthy marriage.
III. When a wife respects her husband, it
enhances his positive self-worth.
The apostle Paul has this to say to both husbands and wives.
Vs.33, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves
himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Wives, did you know that your
husband's greatest need is to be respected? When my wife Wilma respects and
admires me, it energizes me, and I am willing to do anything for her.
Gary Smalley, a
marriage expert, explains how deeply the need for respect influences men:
"He hungers for sincere admiration and respect; he will gravitate toward
those who admire him." The dictionary provides these definitions: Respect:
to feel or show honor or esteem for; hold in high regard. Honor: to respect
greatly, regard highly, and treat with courtesy. Wives, please pay attention to
this advice by Kerry Clarensau on respecting husbands. "We must remember
that men so closely connect respect to love that they will actually feel despised
when we disrespect them. Naturally, they are repelled by people who despise
them.
Respect is so important
to a man that he might be tempted to leave a beautiful wife who disrespects [1]him
to be with a less attractive woman who admires him."
King
Solomon had much to say about quarrelsome wives. Read Prov 19:13, 21:9, 21:19
at home. You may find strong statements, but they give you a glimpse into a
man's feelings. Husbands, how are you loving your wives? Wives, how are you
respecting your husbands? Mutual submission, love, and respect keep a marriage
healthy and joyful for a long time.
